M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Hawkeye Get Your Gun (1976)

Harry Morgan: Col. Sherman T. Potter

Photos 

Quotes 

• [both drunk, under fire, in a foxhole] 

  Col. Potter : I said fire that weapon.

  Hawkeye : All right.

  [to the gun] 

  Hawkeye : You're fired.

  [to Potter] 

  Hawkeye : I did it as gently as I could.

  Col. Potter : That was an order, Pierce.

  Hawkeye : [Snapping his fingers]  Oh waiter, would you take this man's order, please?

• Hawkeye : I believe my life is about to pass before my eyes.

  Col. Potter : Let me know when it does. I love a parade.

  Hawkeye : Even short ones?

• [after an exhausting shift in the OR] 

  Hawkeye : [sighing]  How long we been at this?

  Col. Potter : I started surgery in 1932.

  Hawkeye : I mean, this session.

  Col. Potter : So do I.

  Hawkeye : Maybe we should charge them piecework.

  Col. Potter : We can't. This is war.

  [yawning] 

  Col. Potter : By the way, which war is this?

  Hawkeye : The latest war to end all wars.

• Col. Potter : Where's your gun?

  Hawkeye : Sulking under my cot. We're not at speaking terms.

  Col. Potter : Go kiss it and make up. You're taking it with you.

  Hawkeye : Colonel, if I touch that gun, I'll just trigger another argument.

  Col. Potter : Pierce, You're taking along your sidearm.

  Hawkeye : [Holding up each arm in turn]  Correct, I'm taking along my right side arm and my left side arm.

  B.J. : You need an enemy before you can surrender, Hawkeye. Didn't they teach you that in basic training?

• Col. Potter : [drunk]  Confidentially, Hawkeye, I couldn't hit a bullet with the side of a barn.

• [B.J. hands a firearm to Hawkeye] 

  B.J. : Your artillery, pard.

  Col. Potter : Is it loaded?

  B.J. : Filled it with water myself, Colonel.

  Hawkeye : Watch out everybody, I shoot to drown.

• Hawkeye : If I said the word "sleep" three times to you, I'd put you right under.

  Col. Potter : Not a chance.

  Hawkeye : Oh yeah? Watch this. Sleep. Sleep. Sleeeeeeep.

  [Hawkeye falls asleep] 

• Col. Potter : You too young to die, Pierce?

  Hawkeye : I was hoping to make it to Thursday.

• Col. Potter : If Frank Burns makes any more patronizing cracks about my age, I'll take him behind the motor pool and let the air out of his tires.

  Hawkeye : He didn't mean anything by it, Colonel. He was only trying to insult you.

• Col. Potter : [referring to a drink]  I could use a belt.

  Hawkeye : Your pants falling down?

• Col. Potter : [speaking to American troops]  Don't shoot! Don't shoot! We're one of you!

  Hawkeye : Yeah. Betty Grable. Apple pie.

  Col. Potter : Clara Bow!

  Hawkeye : Clara Bow? Frank's right; you are old.

• Hawkeye : There. I used up all my bullets. Now can I go home?

  Col. Potter : You're a crazier soldier than a surgeon.

  Hawkeye : Thank you.

• Col. Potter : [Klinger is dressed as a gypsy]  Klinger, if I bought this story, they'd boot me out of the army.

  Klinger : It's true. Now I know why the sounds of violins set my blood on fire. Why I'm so attracted to storefront windows. Why, when I smell paprika, I face toward Budapest. Why I have the urge to roam.

  Col. Potter : Zoltan, roam the hell outta here.

• Klinger : [Klinger enters Potter's office dressed as a gypsy]  Colonel, I've got to talk to you right away!

  Col. Potter : Klinger, go put on a dress.

  Klinger : Pardon me, sir,did you call me "Klinger"?

  Col. Potter : If you aren't Klinger, who the Sam Hill are you?

  Hawkeye : Sam Hill, maybe.