- Maj. Sidney Freedman: [looking through a patient's belongings] There's not much here. Where's his uniform?
- Father Francis Mulcahy: We had to burn it. We'll issue him a new one when he leaves. This poor fellow came in with lice.
- Maj. Sidney Freedman: [pulls his hands back, looks in another patient's box] There's no uniform here either. Is there a lice epidemic?
- Hawkeye: I put my fishing rod down on this blue... wooden seat in the middle of the boat... and I stood up to get some more bait. Then I went into the water. I remember there was laughing right before I went in, and then I didn't hear anything, and then I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything, there was just... all this water. And I remember, I tried to scream and nothing came out. Then this hand came down, and grabbed me by my collar and yanked me out.
- Maj. Sidney Freedman: But how did you get INTO the water?
- Hawkeye: I stood up...
- [beginning to grown tense]
- Hawkeye: ... And he was kidding around...
- [emotions swill and finally peak]
- Hawkeye: HE PUSHED ME!
- [sobs loudly]
- Hawkeye: AAAH-HAAAAH! WHY'D HE DO THAT? I LOVED HIM! I LOVED HIM! I HATED HIM! WHY'D HE PUSH ME? I got back in the boat, and he said to me, "you're so clumsy. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead." And I thanked him. He pushed me into the water, and I hated him so much for that, and all I could do was thank him.
- Maj. Sidney Freedman: Why couldn't you say you hated him?
- Hawkeye: I couldn't. I couldn't say that. I couldn't. I couldn't even think it. I loved him!
- Hawkeye: Here we are in the middle of all this shooting, and I get laid out by something that happened to me in a pond when I was seven.
- Maj. Sidney Freedman: Oh sure, it's the little battlefields, the ponds, the bedrooms, the school yards that can leave some of the worst scars.
- Hawkeye: Do you hear that?
- Maj. Sidney Freedman: I don't hear anything.
- Hawkeye: That's just it. I'm not sneezing any more.
- Maj. Sidney Freedman: It's nice.
- Hawkeye: [Searching the tent for whatever is making him sneeze] I must be allergic to something in here. It's probably something small.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Then it's certainly not Winchester's ego.
- Maj. Charles Winchester: Or Hunnicutt's feet.
- Hawkeye: [Finds his laundry bag] Aha! My laundry!
- Maj. Charles Winchester: Of course you're allergic to that, Pierce. It's clean.
- Hawkeye: They're probably using some new kind of soap.
- [Throws laundry bag out the door]
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Bye bye, shorts.
- Hawkeye: [Sneezes loudly]
- Maj. Charles Winchester: You quit wearing your undies, now you've caught a cold.
- Maj. Charles Winchester: Arsenic, that would solve your problem, Pierce.
- [under his breath]
- Maj. Charles Winchester: I know it would solve mine.