M*A*S*H (TV Series)
5 O'Clock Charlie (1973)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Hawkeye : [after Frank pulls a stapler out of his gun holster] Take our money, mister. Just don't staple us.
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Hawkeye : [offering Cardozo a drink] Cardozo, booze?
Captain Phil Cardozo : When I left the states, I promised my wife that I wouldn't have a drink or another woman, till I got back to her.
Hawkeye : [impressed] That's nice.
Captain Phil Cardozo : Gimme a blast.
Captain Phil Cardozo : Make it a short one, I got a date tonight.
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Hawkeye : [after Frank pulls a plunger from his holster] Attaboy, Frank! Flush 'em out of the skies!
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Major Margaret Houlihan : Frank, give them a direct order.
Hawkeye : Oh, do, Frank. We've never ignored one of those.
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Frank Burns : I want everybody to understand that this is war, and that war is a call to arms!
[reaches for his sidearm, which has been switched with a stapler]
Hawkeye : [raises arms in surrender] Here's our money, mister. Don't staple us.
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Henry Blake : [on the phone with General Clayton, while reading from a book that's upside down] While I've got you on the pipe, the suggestion's been made that we could use an oh-four W. W. nug. Yeah, that's right, sir. A nug so that we can, uh, uh - what's a nug sir? Well, a nug is,
[Frank turns the book over]
Henry Blake : uh, a gun, sir. A 40 M. M. gun.
Trapper : Henry, you gotta be kidding!
Hawkeye : We definitely do not need a nug.
Frank Burns : Keep your snoots out of this!
Trapper : We don't need a gun or a nug.
Hawkeye : What are you trying to do, get us into the war?
Trapper : [grabbing the phone] General, listen, you send a gun up here, and that's gonna draw fire. That won't do our wounded very much good.
Henry Blake : [taking the phone back] Give me that!
Hawkeye : [grabbing the phone] Get rid of the ammo dump, and we won't need a gun.
Henry Blake : [taking the phone back] Do you mind?
Frank Burns : [grabbing the phone] The previous suggestion is contraindicated, we need an antiaircraft gun desperately, general.
Hawkeye : Frank, how would you like a spontaneous nose job?
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Frank Burns : [Hawkeye, Trapper and Radar are mocking him at the anti-aircraft gun site] That strikes me funny... not. I think it ill behooves us...
Hawkeye : "Behooves"? What are we, in the cavalry now?
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Frank Burns : Who put water in my gun?
Hawkeye : How do you know it's water?
