Leave It to Beaver (TV Series)

Ward's Golf Clubs (1962)

Jerry Mathers: The Beaver

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wally Cleaver : There's gonna be more yellin' and screamin' around here than when you were a little kid and you tried to put your marbles in the garbage disposal.

  Theodore Cleaver : Maybe between now and Saturday I could buy Dad a new golf club.

  Wally Cleaver : Now where are you gonna get the money? They cost around twelve bucks.

  Theodore Cleaver : No foolin? Boy, when you grow up your toys sure cost a lot of money, don't they?

  Wally Cleaver : How much money have you got?

  Theodore Cleaver : About three dollars.

  Wally Cleaver : Well, maybe you could buy it on some kind of an installment plan.

  Theodore Cleaver : What's that?

  Wally Cleaver : Well, that's a system they got so that people who can't afford stuff can buy it anyway.

  Theodore Cleaver : Gee, that's pretty neat. Does it really work?

  Wally Cleaver : Well, sure it does. How do you think Dad bought this house? He put up a down payment and then he pays the guy who owns the house somethin' every month.

  Theodore Cleaver : You mean we're livin' in somebody else's house?

  Wally Cleaver : Well, yeah, sorta.

  Theodore Cleaver : Gee, if they got mad at us or somethin', they could come over here and throw us out.

  Wally Cleaver : Naw, they can't just come over and throw us out. This is a democracy. They've gotta pay a high-priced lawyer to come around and throw us out.

  Theodore Cleaver : Gee, I never knew lawyers had so much fun.

• Theodore Cleaver : [Gilbert has found some golf balls, and suggests using Ward's golf clubs to hit them around]  Gee, Gilbert, if we do that, we're liable to get in trouble.

  Gilbert Bates : Beaver, everything that's fun can get you in trouble. Haven't you learned that yet?

  Gilbert Bates : [they find the clubs in the hall closet]  Here's a neat-lookin' one.

  Theodore Cleaver : That's a driver. That's the one you use to hit the ball in the sand when you start off.

  Gilbert Bates : [later, golfing in the yard]  We'll hit it into those bushes over there.

  Theodore Cleaver : Okay. Hey, Gilbert, you're holdin' it like a baseball bat. That's no good.

  Gilbert Bates : It's good enough for Mickey Mantle.

  Theodore Cleaver : He doesn't play golf. He just shaves and plays baseball.

• Gilbert Bates : Gee, Beaver, at our house we keep all our doors locked.

  Theodore Cleaver : How come?

  Gilbert Bates : On account of my sister.

  Theodore Cleaver : [sneers]  Who'd want to steal her?

  Gilbert Bates : Listen, Beaver, if you're a girl and you don't think somebody wants to steal ya, ya might as well be dead.

  Theodore Cleaver : If I was a girl, I'd want to be dead anyways.

• Ward Cleaver : What was the question you wanted to ask in private?

  Theodore Cleaver : Oh. Do you think the St. Louis Cardinals will have a better baseball team this year than they did last year?

  Ward Cleaver : Well, I really haven't given it much thought.

  Theodore Cleaver : That's ok. I don't like baseball much anyways.

• Theodore Cleaver : Boy dad, I sure got a bad break not knowing it was broken all the time.

  Ward Cleaver : Well Beaver, when you do things like this, you are going to be surprised at how many bad breaks you get. You're old enough to realize son that when you do something wrong, we usually find out about it.

  Theodore Cleaver : You know you're right dad. I haven't gotten away with anything really good now for a couple years.

  Ward Cleaver : Well don't you think the answer then is just not to get into things like this in the first place.

  Theodore Cleaver : Sure dad, but most of the time it only seems like a bad idea when you get caught.