- Ward Cleaver: Beaver, it would have been very easy for me to forgive you if you had just stood up and said, "Dad, I lost my money and Wally gave me the haircut."
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [stands up] Dad, I lost the money and Wally gave me the haircut.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: If I tell you, you'll be mad at me.
- Ward Cleaver: That's ridiculous! Now, come on, tell me.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I losted my money.
- Ward Cleaver: Again? Oh, Beaver! Your mother and I have been very patient with you, but this habit of losing money has got to stop!
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I told you you'd be mad at me!
- [opening narration]
- Ward Cleaver: When you're young, there are some things you have to learn. How to catch a baseball. And good table manners don't come too easily. But when you're a boy, losing things is one of the few lessons you don't have to learn. And that's our story tonight on "Leave it to Beaver".
- June Cleaver: Ward, wouldn't that be downright sneaky?
- Ward Cleaver: Sure, it would. It's the only way we can survive as parents.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: What's for supper?
- June Cleaver: Pot roast, potato pancakes and what's the big idea?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [Wally pauses while giving Beaver an impromptu haircut] Are you finished?
- Wally Cleaver: I don't know. But I think I'd better stop.
- Wally Cleaver: What's that?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: A haircut, I think.
- Wally Cleaver: Wow! You look like the Wilson's Airedale when he had the mange!
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I think I losted my money.
- Barber: It looks like you founded everything else in town!
- Barber: Suppose I call up your parents and tell them you lost the money and they'll okay the haircut. How does that sound?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [he has to think fast] Yeah... I think our phone's been discontinued!
- Barber: Well, then, just suppose you go home and explain it to your parents. They'll understand. After all, anybody can lose money.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Yeah, but not as good as I can!
- June Cleaver: I'm working on his costume for the school play. Miss Canfield has him playing an angel.
- Ward Cleaver: I'm glad to hear he's been promoted! Last year he played a dwarf! By the way, how's Beaver reacting to his role? Does it offend his masculine dignity?
- June Cleaver: I don't think so.
- June Cleaver: Wally, why aren't you in the school play?
- Wally Cleaver: Oh, I'm in it.
- June Cleaver: What do you do?
- Wally Cleaver: I hold a sign saying "Just a Minute", while the Wise Men are puttin' on their beards.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Wally?
- Wally Cleaver: What, Beav?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: The rules are a lot easier on grownups than they are for little kids.
- Wally Cleaver: Sure, they are, Beaver! The grownups are the ones that *make* the rules!
- [last lines]
- Children: [singing] Hark! The herald angels sing! Glory to...
- [voices fade as the closing music comes in]