- June Cleaver: Yes, well, Wally might like a job, but, of course, he has track practice every afternoon.
- Eddie Haskell: Well, yes, but perhaps I'm making the right decision, Mrs. Cleaver. After all, I've heard of very few men who become millionaires running the 220.
- Wally Cleaver: Hey, Mom! I guess that's two things they'll always have in this world: dirt and homework.
- Theodore Cleaver: [counting the fish in the tank] Hi, Penny!
- Penny Woods: Beaver Cleaver, you just made me lose count!
- Theodore Cleaver: Gee, all I said was "hi".
- Emily: Now I have to start all over again!
- Gilbert Bates: We can't help it if you're a couple of creepy girls!
- Penny Woods: It's better than being a couple of creepy boys!
- Theodore Cleaver: No, it's not! Being a creepy girl is the creepiest kind of creep you can be!
- Wally Cleaver: Y'know, Mom, I bet you wish you had a girl, don'tcha.
- June Cleaver: What do you mean, Wally?
- Wally Cleaver: Well, if you did, you could make her do the dishes every night for free.
- June Cleaver: Wally, I'm not making you do the dishes. When Beaver said he wanted to talk to your father, you volunteered.
- Wally Cleaver: Well, yeah. But it was kinda one of those things your parents make you volunteer for, you know? Like changin' your socks or takin' a bath and junk like that.
- June Cleaver: [after finishing the dishes, June squeezes out a bit of lotion on her hands] Want some of this?
- Wally Cleaver: Well, what for?
- June Cleaver: Good for your hands. Smells nice, too.
- Wally Cleaver: Gee, Mom! I'm not a girl! I wouldn't be caught dead smellin' nice!
- Eddie Haskell: [talking about finding a job] I guess I'm just gonna have to go someplace where they don't know what a wiseguy I am.
- Wally Cleaver: Yeah. You know, that's not gonna be so easy.