- Ward Cleaver: Well, Eddie, if there's something wrong, we'd like to know what it is.
- Eddie Haskell: Well, alright, Sir. If you insist.
- Ward Cleaver: I insist.
- Eddie Haskell: Wally and Beaver were mean to me.
- Eddie Haskell: When I'm around other people, I can act like a big shot and get away with it.
- The Beaver: Yeah, you're real good at that.
- Eddie Haskell: Yeah, but it's not good in life for a guy to act like a big shot to himself.
- The Beaver: I guess even a creep's got to have friends.
- Wally Cleaver: Anyway, I kinda owe Eddie a night here. I've stayed over there three or four times.
- June Cleaver: Oh, but Eddie's mother *likes* to have you over there. She says you're such a good influence on Eddie.
- Wally Cleaver: Gee, what'd you have to say that for? It makes me feel creepy.
- The Beaver: Hey, you better call your parents and tell 'em you're stayin'.
- Eddie Haskell: What for? I don't have to check in with the warden every time I make a move.
- The Beaver: Gee, if I ever stayed overnight at anybody's house and didn't call my dad, he'd kill me. That's on account of he loves me so much.
- The Beaver: [Beaver, half asleep, rushes downstairs in his pajamas] Hey! Mom!
- June Cleaver: Beaver!
- The Beaver: Was that Eddie just went down the hall?
- June Cleaver: Yes, that was Eddie.
- The Beaver: Oh. I thought I was having a nightmare or something.