- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [referring to Wally] Boy! You know, Dad? He really gets a goofy look on his face when he talks to girls. His face gets all red and sweaty. It's like he was catching a fever or something.
- Ward Cleaver: Well, you know , Beaver, it is a kind of a fever - and, uh, one that you'll be catching one of these days, probably.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Well, I just hope when I get to be Wally's age they'll have shots for it or something.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [getting babysitting pointers from Wally] Am I allowed to hit him?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: No, you can't do that. It's against the law. Only parents have the legal right to shove their kids around.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: [Wally wants to back out of a babysitting deal so he can go on a date] Mom, Dad, why couldn't Beaver take over for me?... Chuckie Murdock's five years old. All you gotta do is sit around and watch TV with him, and then shove him into bed and raid the icebox... And it's no big deal. After all, the Murdocks only live a couple minutes away. If Chuckie threw himself on the floor and started chewin' the rug or somethin', Beaver could call Mom and you guys could get over there before he could eat enough of it to make him sick.
- Pat: C'mon, Beaver, let's play some more.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I don't want to play that crummy game anymore.
- Pat: [threateningly] I'll scream...
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Go ahead and scream.
- Pat: But don't you care if I scream?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: No.
- Pat: Then there's no fun in doing it.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: It was real neat having somebody around that you could tell to get lost.
- Gilbert: Yeah, I guess it is.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I wonder what you do about that when you get older.
- Gilbert: I don't know. I think ya get married, then you can tell your wife to leave ya alone.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Yeah. It's neat the way it works, isn't it?
- Mrs. Murdock: Pat, this is Beaver, Wally's little brother. He's going to stay with you while we're gone.
- Pat: Hi, Beaver!
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Hi.
- Pat: [excitedly] I've heard an awful lot about *you*.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Yeah, from who?
- Pat: From Wally. But you're a *bigger* little squirt than he said you were.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Boy, Wally, that was really neat of you, volunteering like that. Just like the guy in 'A Tale of Two Cities', who volunteered to have his head chopped off for his pal.