L.A. Law (TV Series)

Where There's a Will (1993)

Corbin Bernsen: Arnie Becker

Quotes 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Oh, for heaven's sakes. What's wrong with Benny? No bagels, no bear claws.

  Arnie Becker : Blames L.A.'s finest, who have us surrounded.

  Gwen Taylor : Being under surveillance is no picnic, Arnie, but I'm trying to go about my daily routine, so... let's get on with business.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Couldn't put it better myself. First up, everybody's favorite innocent convict: People vs. Osgood.

  Leland McKenzie : Well, the bad news is Philip Tice who confessed to the Holiday murder recently died. On the upside, I have secured an address on the missing witness. Daniel and I plan on paying him a visit.

  Daniel Morales : Assuming the address is current.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Let's hope so, because this could be for Frank Osgood's last chance. Next, People vs. D'Arcy.

  Melina Paros : Anton D'Arcy is a longtime family friend. The grand jury indicted him for arranging his father's murder. I believe he's being framed.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : What do you know the grand jury doesn't?

  Melina Paros : Come on, Douglas, the grand jury would indict a bologna sandwich if the D.A. wanted it.

  Leland McKenzie : Doesn't the D.A. have a confession?

  Melina Paros : Not from our client. The police have another suspect in custody who's been offered a deal. Now he's pointing the finger at Anton to save himself.

  Jonathan Rollins : Because the trial's been expedited, I've been helping Melina. And I'll step in as needed.

  [Leland gives cheers to Jonathan while drinking his glass of orange juice] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Keep us posted.

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Bancroft vs. Bennett.

  Ann Kelsey : Camille Bancroft, a Shakespeare professor at Stanford is suing her colleague Simon Bennett for unfair competition.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Over Shakespeare?

  Ann Kelsey : Simon Bennett and Camille Bancroft have taught together for years. Not long ago, he published his own book based on their teaching methods.

  Stuart Markowitz : It's a great book: "Shakespeare in Love". Won the Bollingen prize.

  Ann Kelsey : Right, deposition start today, and I was hoping to reach a settlement, but Simon and Camille are like stubborn children. They always have been.

  Leland McKenzie : Do you know them?

  Ann Kelsey : My first year at Stanford, I majored in drama. Over time, I kept in touch with Camille.

  Arnie Becker : Shakespeare's so depressing. I mean, the lovers are always doomed.

  Gwen Taylor : Or dead.

  Melina Paros : That's why they call them tragedies.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : All's well that ends well.

  [Douglas closed his pocket watch that the time is up. The law meeting is adjourned] 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : He's still in there?

  Roxanne Melman : Pardon me?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Roxanne, who is it? Who's starring in my life story?

  Roxanne Melman : Douglas, if you don't move, this isn't going to be pretty.

  [Roxanne walks away. Opening the door is Arnie] 

  Arnie Becker : Ah, Douglas, great timing. There's somebody I want you to meet.

  [Introducing] 

  Arnie Becker : Erik Estrada, Douglas Brackman.

  Erik Estrada : Hi, really looking forward to playing your character in the film. We should send some time together. You know, so I can pick up your routine.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Sure.

  [Arnie placed his hand on Erik's forehead] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Ah! Good.

• [Coming out of the office, while finish talking with Erik Estrada] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : No, Erik, it's okay. You wait here, I'll be a minute.

  Arnie Becker : How are things going?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : He's trying to pick up my rhythms.

  Arnie Becker : What are you talking about?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Senor Estrada refuses to leave me alone. He keeps asking me questions about a lawyer's motivation. We should have kept this story in a woman's prison.

  Arnie Becker : Douglas, what would you like me to do?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Kill this project at Worldwide. Otherwise...

  Arnie Becker : Otherwise, what?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Otherwise nothing. As a friend, please?

  [Opening the door is Tommy Mullaney the Assistant District Attorney. Douglas is leaving and walks away] 

  Arnie Becker : Hey, Tommy. We've been trying to reach you since yesterday. Where have you been?

  A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney : What? What's up?

  Arnie Becker : Roxanne went into the hospital yesterday. She had some bleeding.

  A.D.A. Tommy Mullaney : Oh, God, no.

  [Arnie will take Tommy there] 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Arnie, did you talk with Beatrice Schuller at Worldwide?

  Arnie Becker : I'm waiting for her to return.

  [Fire alarm blares] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : People, everyone. Let's stay calm, proceed to the nearest exit in an orderly fashion. Arnie?

  Arnie Becker : I'm waiting for Beatrice's call.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Don't be insane. Bring the portable.

  [People have to leave outside the building downstairs] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Nice and easy, not the elevators. Take the stairwell.

• [Elevator dings. Douglas, Arnie and the rest of the people are back from the elevator.] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Lucky no-one was hurt. A real catastrophe was averted.

  Arnie Becker : You serious? It's going to be a long time before Philipson's reopens and topless women are showing their wares again.