L.A. Law (TV Series)

Oy Vey! Wilderness! (1987)

Jill Eikenberry: Ann Kelsey

Quotes 

• Ann Kelsey : [while hiking]  Stuart, my back is killing me.

  Stuart Markowitz : Are your hip stablizers secure?

  Ann Kelsey : I don't know if they are. I told you it was ridiculous to bring all this junk!

  Stuart Markowitz : Don't start with me, Ann. Don't start with me!

• Stuart Markowitz : [while cutting into a potato after roasting it over an open fire]  Ugh! Ann, the middle is all raw. I knew we should have bought that butane stove.

  Ann Kelsey : [voice-over]  Eat some more trail mix.

  Stuart Markowitz : I'm sick of trail mix.

  Ann Kelsey : Well, if you hadn't broken all the eggs when you tumbled over...

  Stuart Markowitz : Yeah, like that was really my fault.

  Ann Kelsey : I don't want to fight anymore. Could you throw some toilet paper over here?

  Stuart Markowitz : Sure. Where'd you pack it?

  Ann Kelsey : I didn't pack it. You did.

  Stuart Markowitz : No, I thought you did.

  Ann Kelsey : Oh, swell! You brought ever damn thing in the world out here except the toilet paper! What am I supposed to do?

  Stuart Markowitz : How about using a leaf?

  Ann Kelsey : A leaf?

  Stuart Markowitz : Yeah. You said you didn't want anything to come between you and nature.

• Stuart Markowitz : [Continued hiking]  Come on, honey.

  Ann Kelsey : Aaah!

  Stuart Markowitz : I'll get him. I'll get him.

  [Stuart strikes the lizard, but suddenly he missed it] 

  Stuart Markowitz : All right, the hell with him. Hell with him. I'll let him go. Come on.

  Ann Kelsey : God, I hate lizards.

  Stuart Markowitz : Oh, God. God this pack is unbelievable. Feel like a lama. How you feeling, honey?

  Ann Kelsey : How do you think I'm feeling?

  Stuart Markowitz : Is - is the itching getting any better?

  Ann Kelsey : The itching's worse. The burning is worse. I am in agony, Stuart. Total agony.

  Stuart Markowitz : Just going to be a little bit further. It'll be okay.

  Ann Kelsey : How are we ever going to find a dermatologist in this god-forsaken place?

  Stuart Markowitz : Well, you know, any kind of doctor can treat poison sumac or whatever it was. Did you, uh, remember to bring the leaf specimen?

  Ann Kelsey : I thought you were going to bring it.

  Stuart Markowitz : Well, you know I - he probably doesn't need it anyway. Come on.

  [Continued hiking, but suddenly they found the jeep] 

  Ann Kelsey : Oh, Stuart, could you please run and warm it up?

• Stuart Markowitz : Come on.

  [Ignition grinding] 

  Stuart Markowitz : Come on, come on. Come on. It won't start.

  Ann Kelsey : Oh, God, Stuart. Stuart, you're got to get me out of here. Please.

  [Ann is in agony of itching] 

  Ann Kelsey : I don't care how. Just - Just get to the Ranger's station or something, please. You've got to get me out of this miserable place... before I start to cry.

  [Ann begins to start crying while suffering of itchiness] 

  Stuart Markowitz : Ann. Ann, come on, honey.

  [Ann is sobbing] 

  Stuart Markowitz : I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to - Just hang in there, honey. I'm going to get us out of here real soon. I promise. I'll be right back. Now, just don't move. I'll be right back!

  [Stuart will get help and turned to Ann] 

  Stuart Markowitz : And don't scratch!