L.A. Law (TV Series)

Blood, Sweat and Fears (1990)

Michael Tucker: Stuart Markowitz

Quotes 

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Lastly, cleanup items. As you know, the vote for the new Senior Partner is Friday, which is just 3 short days away. When it decided by plurality, the declared candidates are Rosalind, Stuart and myself.

  Arnie Becker : Uh, Stuart, you little power hog.

  Stuart Markowitz : I believe I'm qualified.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Yes, well, best of luck to us all. Let's try to run a clean campaign. And very lastly, I've been instructed to request that you keep the evening of May 4th, clear on your calendar, though I have no idea why.

  Abby Perkins : Benny's clinic is doing a play, and he's landed a major role, so I think we shall all be there.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Oh, no. First Roxanne think she's Aretha Franklin. What's he doing? An evening with Mark Twain?

  Abby Perkins : The Wizard of Oz. He's playing the Cowardly Lion. And Alice has been cast as Dorothy.

  Stuart Markowitz : That's great.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Well, that's it, people. We're adjourned.

  [Douglas closed his pocket watch with a chain] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Leland?

  [Leland gets up] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : I'd like a minute of your time, please.

  [They all dismissed] 

• Ann Kelsey : Stuart, I didn't say you wouldn't make a good Senior Partner.

  Stuart Markowitz : No, you didn't say it. But you implied it, didn't you?

  Ann Kelsey : I simply ask why it is you want to run for it.

  Stuart Markowitz : Oh, which means, how could I possibly consider for a single second that I could actually run a law firm, right?

  Ann Kelsey : Oh, brother If that is what you infer from one simple little question, Stuart, I don't know what to say.

  Stuart Markowitz : Well, let's get down to it, Ann: are you going to vote for me?

  Ann Kelsey : Honey, of course I'm going to vote for you. You're my husband, how could I not support you in this?

  Stuart Markowitz : [laughing]  Ho, ho, ho. Oh, great, there it is. You are unbelievable. The absolute maestro with a back-handed compliment.

  Ann Kelsey : Oh, my God's sake.

  Stuart Markowitz : No, it's great, Ann. It's great. You'll vote for me out of spousal obligation, not because I'd be any good at the job.

  [Knocking on the door] 

  Stuart Markowitz : Not not because I'd be a good leader. Not because it would be good for the firm. No, But because it's a wife's duty to back her husband even though he may be tilting at windmills.

  [the nanny will take care of the baby Matthew] 

  Ann Kelsey : Stuart, what do you want for me? Do you want me to stand up and cheer, the firm is saved? Stuart Markowitz to the rescue? You have never been the head of a single department. You have never been the boss of anything. At least Douglas has been an administrator.

  Stuart Markowitz : That's all he is, Ann, is an administrator. He has no vision. He can't see beyond the paper clip inventory, and he has no business being vested with the direction of our lives.

  Ann Kelsey : Better him than Rosalind Shays.

  Stuart Markowitz : She can't win.

  Ann Kelsey : She can, Stuart, if you and Douglas split your vote! You can take just enough support away from each other to make that queen bitch the winner.

  Stuart Markowitz : Ann...

  Ann Kelsey : Stuart, I can live with Brackman. Not happily, but I can live. But if Rosalind Shays gets control of this firm...

  Stuart Markowitz : It's not going happen. You want to how this thing's going break down? Leland backs Douglas, Rosalind votes for herself, you and I vote for me. That leaves Becker and Kuzak as a swing votes.

  Ann Kelsey : You think they'll vote for you?

  Stuart Markowitz : Oh, yeah. Arnie was never happy about her joining the firm to begin with. And he's never taken Douglas seriously. I think I can nail him down. The trick is Kuzak. Go to figure out a way to bag Kuzak.

  [Ann is looking pretty weird] 

  Stuart Markowitz : What?

• Douglas Brackman, Jr. : [Opening the door is Stuart]  Uh-huh! Stuart.

  Stuart Markowitz : Douglas.

  [Arnie sees what's new] 

  Stuart Markowitz : Hi, Arne.

  [Scoffs] 

  Stuart Markowitz : I just found out I can't make it to the Laker Game this Saturday Night. You want tickets?

  [Arnie doesn't know]