- [Spence has decided not to take Lou Ferrigno to a Sci-Fi convention because Adam West agreed to go]
- Adam West: If you ran into Bill Shatner this morning, would you have dumped me, too?
- Spence Olchin: I want to say "no", but I'm so weak.
- Adam West: This is why me, Lou, Bill and Lee Majors look out for each other. To protect ourselves from pasty-faced opportunists such as yourself.
- Spence Olchin: Yeah. Fantasy Fest '05 is a geekfest. That's why three different hobbits are showing up.
- [Doug's hairdresser is a very pretty woman]
- Carrie Heffernan: When we got married, you took a sacred vow to me.
- Doug Heffernan: To do what? Only get my hair cut by ugly people?