Jeeves and Wooster (TV Series)

The Silver Jug (or Jeeves Saves the Cow Creamer) (1991)

Stephen Fry: Jeeves

Quotes 

• Jeeves : A telegram for you, sir.

  Bertie : [in the bathtub]  Oh, well, you'd better read it, Jeeves.

  Jeeves : Very good, sir.

  [clears throat] 

  Jeeves : "Come immediately. Serious rift Madeline and Self. Unless you come earliest possible moment prepared lend every effort reconciliation, wedding will be broken off. Reply, Gussie," sir.

  Bertie : Hmm, well, these are deep waters, Jeeves. There is only one thing that I can say now with any certainty, and that is that Gussie has made an ass of himself again.

  Jeeves : There is that possibility, sir.

  Bertie : Have you got your telegraph pad handy?

  Jeeves : Yes, sir.

  Bertie : Right, well send this.

  Jeeves : [clears throat to indicate readiness to receive dictation] 

  Bertie : "Fink-Nottle, Totleigh Towers, Totleigh-in-the-Wold, Gloucestershire. Yes, that's all very well. You say 'come here immediately,' but how dickens can I? Relations between Pop Bassett and self not such as to make him welcome Bertram. Would hurl out on ear and set dogs on. What serious rift? Why serious rift? Why dickens? What have you been doing to the girl? Reply, Bertie."

• Jeeves : If one were to "get the goods" on Mr. Spode, as the underworld phraseology has it, he would be rendered a negligible force.

  Bertie : Well, yes. But we haven't got anything on him. I don't even know where we'd look.

  Jeeves : I was thinking of the Junior Ganymede, sir. It is a club for gentlemen's personal gentlemen in Curzon street.

  Bertie : A club? What, you mean like White's?

  Jeeves : Of a similar nature, sir. The surroundings are more comfortable, however, and the members less Bolshevik.

  Bertie : And you're a member?

  Jeeves : Oh, indeed, sir. And Mr. Spode's personal attendant is likely to be a member also, and would naturally have confided to the secretary a good deal of information to be included in the club book.

  Bertie : The club book?

  Jeeves : Under rule eleven, all members are required to provide the secretary with full information about their employer, sir. This not only provides entertaining reading, but also provides a warning to those seeking employment with those gentlemen who fall short of the ideal.

  Bertie : Did you tell them about me?

  Jeeves : Oh yes, sir.

  Bertie : What, everything? The night I came home from Pongo Twistleton's birthday party and mistook the standing lamp for a burglar?

  Jeeves : That episode is a particular favorite with members, sir. They like to have these things to read on wet afternoons.