- Peter Lorre: Hey wait a minute... if you gave me Jack Benny's face, then all I have to do is kill him and I can take over his life. His home will be mine, his money will be mine, and I've always wanted to be a comedian.
- Dr. Heinzinger: Aren't you Jack Benny?
- Jack Benny: Yes.
- Dr. Heinzinger: I thought I recognized that face. Are you sure you don't want plastic surgery?
- Jack Benny: [reading the introduction written by Peter Lorre] Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time I am proud and happy to present one of the sweetest men in show business, a man, whose emotional sensibilities are touched equally by the cry of a lost child, the chirp of a wounded sparrow, or the silent protest of a crushed petunia.