- Col. Klink: General Burkhalter just left here.
- Col. Hogan: Oh, the Russian front?
- Col. Klink: Worse, much worse. He wants me to marry his niece.
- Col. Hogan: That's bad?
- Col. Klink: Did you hear what I said? Burkhalter's niece!
- Col. Hogan: Did you ever stop to think she might be a beauty?
- Col. Klink: Ha, more likely she looks like Burkhalter.
- Col. Hogan: If you don't mind me saying so, I think you should get married right away. Like tomorrow.
- Col. Klink: Hogan, I'm going to have you shot, and no court martial in the world would convict me.
- Gertrude Linkmyer: I am not a widow! My husband was reported missing in action.
- General Burkhalter: On the Russian front, missing in action makes you a widow beyond a shadow of a doubt.
- General Burkhalter: Well, what do you think of our Colonel Klink?
- Lottie Linkmyer: He looks like a dead fish.