- [Phil is performing Hamlet's soliloquy]
- Phil Ken Sebben: To die, to sleep; / To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub... Ha ha, rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come... must give us pause... make us bear those... uh, I've forgotten. Huh... I know I'm depressed about something. Uh-ba-da-da... mother: dead... no, *father* dead, mother alive, kind of a sexy thing with the mom, uncle: probably killed my father, girlfriend: crazy as a loon, her father's a chatterbox, I killed him... ah, this is all too complicated.
- Narrator: The affiliated companies of Sebben & Sebben - leaders in industry worldwide: Rice. Soy. Hemp. Flavored breastmilk. LSD. Breastmilk-flavored LSD. Those twirly things on strippers' breasts. Textiles. Tiles. Text. Baltimization. Vintage pointed sticks.
- Narrator: At Sebben & Sebben, we take ethics and proper business conduct seriously. Quite simply, there's the wrong way to do things, and then there's the Sebben & Sebben wrong way.
- [Peter Potamus explains the pneumatic delivery system:]
- Peter Potamus: Hello. I am standing in front of the heart of the Sebben & Sebben communication system. Let us say you have a "thing" to "send." Simply fill out this routing form by listing what you are "sending," to whom, the date you are "sending" it, the date you want it received - or "gotten" - and the weight of the thing you are sending. Then, place the item into one of these canisters. Under your desk, you will find an array of nozzles. Referring to your laminated color-coded map, simply find the color of area you want the "thing" "sent" to. Carefully - *carefully!* - open the tube and insert the canister.
- [a demonstrator inserts the canister and presses a button. Her clothing is immediately sucked off into the tube]
- Peter Potamus: Make sure you have closed the nozzle door first. Inside the tube, your communique will reach speeds of up to fourteen thousand seven hundred sixty eight miles per hour: A model of speed and efficiency that guarantees that you will never again have to ask if someone has received the item - or, more commonly, "thing" - that you have sent to them.
- Harvey Birdman: So I'll just put my savings in this diversified index fund. Safe and sound.
- Phil Ken Sebben: It's 1985, Birdman, wake up! The smart money is going into S&L's... like that one!
- Harvey Birdman: You mean Lincoln Savings & Loans?
- Phil Ken Sebben: Right, S&L's are unkillable. Ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life"? Even that Bailey bastard couldn't screw it up!
- Narrator: Sebben & Sebben is one of the most successful law firms in the country. But Sebben & Sebben is so much more. More potent and powerful... and frightening.
- Phil Ken Sebben: Oh hello, I didn't see you there! I was too busy counting money! Sometimes I stay up 13, 14 hours a day and I still can't keep up. Ever get a paper cut from a $7,000 bill? Doesn't tickle. But that's not for you to worry about! No, you're just an ordinary employee who will never be burdened with huge sums of money!