Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law (TV Series)

Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation (2005)

Stephen Colbert: Phil Ken Sebben

Quotes 

• [Phil is performing Hamlet's soliloquy] 

  Phil Ken Sebben : To die, to sleep; / To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub... Ha ha, rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come... must give us pause... make us bear those... uh, I've forgotten. Huh... I know I'm depressed about something. Uh-ba-da-da... mother: dead... no, *father* dead, mother alive, kind of a sexy thing with the mom, uncle: probably killed my father, girlfriend: crazy as a loon, her father's a chatterbox, I killed him... ah, this is all too complicated.

• Harvey Birdman : So I'll just put my savings in this diversified index fund. Safe and sound.

  Phil Ken Sebben : It's 1985, Birdman, wake up! The smart money is going into S&L's... like that one!

  Harvey Birdman : You mean Lincoln Savings & Loans?

  Phil Ken Sebben : Right, S&L's are unkillable. Ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life"? Even that Bailey bastard couldn't screw it up!

• Phil Ken Sebben : Oh hello, I didn't see you there! I was too busy counting money! Sometimes I stay up 13, 14 hours a day and I still can't keep up. Ever get a paper cut from a $7,000 bill? Doesn't tickle. But that's not for you to worry about! No, you're just an ordinary employee who will never be burdened with huge sums of money!