- Bill Maxwell: Oh, I love this game. This game is... America, like...
- Ralph Hinkley: Apple sauce?
- Bill Maxwell: Apple pie, Ralph. Try to have a little respect.
- Ralph Hinkley: Sit down. Ready for this? Bill got me a player contract worth three million dollars a year.
- Pam Davidson: Oh, honey, Bill wouldn't know a contract from a pound of blue cheese.
- Shorty Robinson: Let's get this over with. I got a team to get ready. Everybody's in the bucket. I need to work on morale.
- Bill Maxwell: Have you tried team prayer?
- Ralph Hinkley: So, the French Revolution began and the French ruling class stumbled. Royalty were all placed in a prison on the outskirts of Paris. Who can tell me the name of that prison? Rodriguez?
- Paco Rodriguez: Uh, wasn't that called the, uh, Paris County Jail?
- Pam Davidson: You know, it's not really you, Ralph. It's the suit.
- Ralph Hinkley: Yeah, well, mostly it's the suit, but, you know, I used to pitch in college.
- Pam Davidson: Is this the same guy they called "Easy-Hit Hinkley"?
- Ralph Hinkley: Hey, come on. I wasn't a half-bad pitcher.