- Alien: Mr Hinkley, we saw you on "The Dick Cavett Show."
- Ralph Hinkley: Dick Cavett, huh?
- [laughs]
- Ralph Hinkley: I didn't know you could get that stuff up here. That's great.
- [thinks about it]
- Ralph Hinkley: What am I saying? I mean, of course they get that stuff up here. You probably have, you probably have cable up here too, don't you?
- Alien: You are a celebrity now, Mr. Hinkley. You and the suit are known to the world. This situation will not work. We must make the world forget.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: You can make the whole world forget they ever knew about Ralph and the suit?
- Alien: All we have to do is give the suit to someone else.
- Ralph Hinkley: Give the suit to someone else? You mean, I have to resign? I can't believe it. It's over. All those things I used to take for granted. All gone.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: Well, it was good while it lasted. And you'll always have your memories. Or will he? What about me? I mean, I put up with a lot of stuff. I deserve to remember too.
- Alien: You may remember also, Mrs. Hinkley.
- Ralph Hinkley: What about Bill? Bill Maxwell.
- Alien: You think it important that Mr. Maxwell remember this?
- Ralph Hinkley: No, what if we give him the suit? Now wait a minute. Bill's already wired up on this whole thing. I mean, he gets carried away once in a while. But deep down inside, he's a, he's a pretty good guy.
- Alien: But, Mr. Hinkley, the owner of this suit must be more than a pretty good guy.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: Well, I remember when Ralph was chosen. It was because you guys were looking for someone with strong moral character, a healthy idealism, altruistic nature and true integrity, right?
- Ralph Hinkley, Pam Davidson Hinkley: Not Bill.
- Ralph Hinkley: Excuse me, about the instruction book.
- Alien: We''ve given you two already, Mr. Hinkley. Surely you haven't lost it again?
- Ralph Hinkley: Oh, no, no, of course not. But, uh...
- Alien: Good. Because we have no more to give.
- Bill Maxwell: It was gonna be a very extensive search, because old Ralph couldn't pick his trusted friend, Maxwell, who was obviously best suited for the job and to receive El Suito. No, no, he had to pick somebody new.
- Ralph Hinkley: Honey, I know how you feel. I wasn't exactly thrilled when I realized the secret was out. But it is, it is, Pamela! And we're going to have to cope with it. We can't change who we are.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: I realize that, Ralph. But this celebrity status doesn't become you. It's turned you into another guy. And I want my old Ralph Hinkley back! I want him back before things get totally out of hand and our live fall apart.
- Holly Hathaway: Ralph, you were right, this cape is so cumbersome and, you know, I'm not so sure about these little shoes, they're so blah. Maybe we could go with a nice pump?
- Ralph Hinkley: Ah, Holly, I think you'd better forget redesigning the suit. I think the green guys are kinda locked into this model.
- Bill Maxwell: Councilor, you're a real trooper, kid. The best.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: Well, I did the best I could.
- Holly Hathaway: [sniffles] Friendship is so beautiful.
- Bill Maxwell: Is she gonna do this a lot?
- Ralph Hinkley: Probably not. Tell you what, why don't the two of you get together and learn some things about each other? I'm sure you're gonna find this is a great match-up.
- Holly Hathaway: You're absolutely right, Ralph. We're gonna make a terrific team. I'm gonna make you really proud that you chose me. You too, Bill.
- Ralph Hinkley: They wanna do the Ralph Hinkley story, but they don't wanna do it realisticaly.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: Why should they, Ralph? There's nothing realistic about any of this.
- Ralph Hinkley: What are you talking about?
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: Look at yourself, Ralph. Look at our lives. This is a joke.
- Ralph Hinkley: Oh!
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: It was bad enough when we just had the suit to contend with. Now we have the suit *and* we have your publicity tour. Not to mention all the people who are calling and writing for special favors. This has got to stop.
- [the car phone rings]
- Ralph Hinkley: That's probably Marty.
- [Pam throws out the car phone]
- Ralph Hinkley: What are you doing?
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: This is my car, Ralph. If I'd wanted a phone in it, I would have put it in myself!
- Timothy: This is fun!
- Sarah Hathaway: It's ok, but personally, I prefer paint brushes.
- Timothy: What are paint brushes?
- Sarah Hathaway: Oh Timothy, you're still so young.
- Bill Maxwell: I didn't know that you had any kids.
- Holly Hathaway: Oh, well, Sarah, she's not really mine. I'm her foster parent.
- Bill Maxwell: Oh.
- Holly Hathaway: It's hard to believe that somebody would just throw a child like her out, isn't it?
- Bill Maxwell: Yeah, got me stumped.
- Bill Maxwell: [whips out his badge] Ok, welcome to trouble with Maxwell. Failure to answer the question gets you an all expenses paid vacation at the fed pen of your choice. Courtesy of that super power to the South.
- Bartender: F.B.I.?
- Bill Maxwell: F.B.I.!
- Holly Hathaway: F.B.I.
- Ralph Hinkley: [talking on car phone] Marty, come on, man, Travolta? He's not even blonde. No, we need someone younger, more carefree looking. More spontaneous.
- Pam Davidson: More egotistical.
- Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I passed it on. The suit.
- Bill Maxwell: You passed on the suit? To somebody... else? Without even asking, without running it by me, without checkin- How could you do that to me kid?
- Ralph Hinkley: It's right Bill. I know it is. Now the green guys said, that when I found the right person I would know it and I know it Bill! She's the right person Bill, isn't she the right person?
- Bill Maxwell: Yeah, well she may be the right person for *him*, but what about- She?
- Ralph Hinkley: What did I tell you?
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: Hang tough, hun.
- Bill Maxwell: Ralph! You did it to me, didn't you? He did it, didn't he? You picked a skirt!
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: He *picked* a woman.
- Bill Maxwell: No! That's bad enough you wouldn't fight for your own pal Maxwell, to get the suit. That's- that's hard enough to swallow. Now you got me paired up with Nancy Drew!
- Ralph Hinkley: Holly Hathaway.
- Bill Maxwell: Who?
- Ralph Hinkley: Holly...
- Bill Maxwell: Who cares?
- Ralph Hinkley: Bill, give her a chance. I already told her all about you.
- Pam Davidson Hinkley: But he lied, so you're safe.
- Bill Maxwell: Bill she's got everything. Strong moral character, integrity, she's altruistic, warm, she's kind, she loves children and pets. She loves helping people.
- Bill Maxwell: Yeah, you left out brave, clean and reverent. Sounds like Miss America.
- Sarah Hathaway: You must be Mr. Maxwell. My name is Sarah. I live here. Can I get you something to drink?
- Bill Maxwell: Well, a stiff scotch wouldn't be bad.
- [Chuckles]
- Sarah Hathaway: We don't encourage alcohol in our home, Mr. Maxwell. If you need scotch to help you through a situation, then you may have the beginnings of a serious social problem.
- Bill Maxwell: How old are you?
- Sarah Hathaway: Almost seven. How about you?
- Bill Maxwell: None of your business.
- Sarah Hathaway: You look about 50. You ever have a facelift?
- Bill Maxwell: No, I never have. How 'bout you?
- Sarah Hathaway: I'm too young.
- Bill Maxwell: Oh.
- Sarah Hathaway: Do you touch up your hair yourself or have it done?
- Bill Maxwell: I bet you got some chores to do somewhere or something, don't you?
- Sarah Hathaway: Are you trying to get rid of me?
- Sarah Hathaway: Yeah.
- Sarah Hathaway: You're sort of an uptight kind of guy, aren't you Mr. Maxwell?
- Bill Maxwell: I'm not applying for a job here, kiddo. I can do without the interview, okay?
- Sarah Hathaway: I'm just trying to get to know you. You oughta hear the questions I ask the guys Holly dates.
- Ralph Hinkley: Oh, Holly, you have to be careful with your strength when you're wearing the suit. Bill, remember the time I broke your hand when I went to shake it?
- Bill Maxwell: Which time?