The Greatest American Hero (TV Series)

The Greatest American Heroine (1986)

Robert Culp: Bill Maxwell

Quotes 

• Bill Maxwell : It was gonna be a very extensive search, because old Ralph couldn't pick his trusted friend, Maxwell, who was obviously best suited for the job and to receive El Suito. No, no, he had to pick somebody new.

• Bill Maxwell : Councilor, you're a real trooper, kid. The best.

  Pam Davidson Hinkley : Well, I did the best I could.

  Holly Hathaway : [sniffles]  Friendship is so beautiful.

  Bill Maxwell : Is she gonna do this a lot?

  Ralph Hinkley : Probably not. Tell you what, why don't the two of you get together and learn some things about each other? I'm sure you're gonna find this is a great match-up.

  Holly Hathaway : You're absolutely right, Ralph. We're gonna make a terrific team. I'm gonna make you really proud that you chose me. You too, Bill.

• Bill Maxwell : I didn't know that you had any kids.

  Holly Hathaway : Oh, well, Sarah, she's not really mine. I'm her foster parent.

  Bill Maxwell : Oh.

  Holly Hathaway : It's hard to believe that somebody would just throw a child like her out, isn't it?

  Bill Maxwell : Yeah, got me stumped.

• Bill Maxwell : [whips out his badge]  Ok, welcome to trouble with Maxwell. Failure to answer the question gets you an all expenses paid vacation at the fed pen of your choice. Courtesy of that super power to the South.

  Bartender : F.B.I.?

  Bill Maxwell : F.B.I.!

  Holly Hathaway : F.B.I.

• Ralph Hinkley : Bill, I passed it on. The suit.

  Bill Maxwell : You passed on the suit? To somebody... else? Without even asking, without running it by me, without checkin- How could you do that to me kid?

  Ralph Hinkley : It's right Bill. I know it is. Now the green guys said, that when I found the right person I would know it and I know it Bill! She's the right person Bill, isn't she the right person?

  Bill Maxwell : Yeah, well she may be the right person for *him*, but what about- She?

  Ralph Hinkley : What did I tell you?

  Pam Davidson Hinkley : Hang tough, hun.

  Bill Maxwell : Ralph! You did it to me, didn't you? He did it, didn't he? You picked a skirt!

  Pam Davidson Hinkley : He *picked* a woman.

  Bill Maxwell : No! That's bad enough you wouldn't fight for your own pal Maxwell, to get the suit. That's- that's hard enough to swallow. Now you got me paired up with Nancy Drew!

  Ralph Hinkley : Holly Hathaway.

  Bill Maxwell : Who?

  Ralph Hinkley : Holly...

  Bill Maxwell : Who cares?

  Ralph Hinkley : Bill, give her a chance. I already told her all about you.

  Pam Davidson Hinkley : But he lied, so you're safe.

  Bill Maxwell : Bill she's got everything. Strong moral character, integrity, she's altruistic, warm, she's kind, she loves children and pets. She loves helping people.

  Bill Maxwell : Yeah, you left out brave, clean and reverent. Sounds like Miss America.

• Sarah Hathaway : You must be Mr. Maxwell. My name is Sarah. I live here. Can I get you something to drink?

  Bill Maxwell : Well, a stiff scotch wouldn't be bad.

  [Chuckles] 

  Sarah Hathaway : We don't encourage alcohol in our home, Mr. Maxwell. If you need scotch to help you through a situation, then you may have the beginnings of a serious social problem.

  Bill Maxwell : How old are you?

  Sarah Hathaway : Almost seven. How about you?

  Bill Maxwell : None of your business.

  Sarah Hathaway : You look about 50. You ever have a facelift?

  Bill Maxwell : No, I never have. How 'bout you?

  Sarah Hathaway : I'm too young.

  Bill Maxwell : Oh.

  Sarah Hathaway : Do you touch up your hair yourself or have it done?

  Bill Maxwell : I bet you got some chores to do somewhere or something, don't you?

  Sarah Hathaway : Are you trying to get rid of me?

  Sarah Hathaway : Yeah.

  Sarah Hathaway : You're sort of an uptight kind of guy, aren't you Mr. Maxwell?

  Bill Maxwell : I'm not applying for a job here, kiddo. I can do without the interview, okay?

  Sarah Hathaway : I'm just trying to get to know you. You oughta hear the questions I ask the guys Holly dates.

• [first lines] 

  Bill Maxwell : This is special agent Bill Maxwell, FBI. Audio report May 15, 1986.

• Ralph Hinkley : Oh, Holly, you have to be careful with your strength when you're wearing the suit. Bill, remember the time I broke your hand when I went to shake it?

  Bill Maxwell : Which time?