- Dorothy: [about men] They're so much better at answering the phone in the middle of the night.
- Blanche Devereaux: That's not all they're good at.
- Sophia Petrillo: [from the far corner of the living room] And when they're really good, you don't even hear the phone.
- Dorothy: [turns on the lights] Ma, what're you doing sitting here in the dark?
- Sophia Petrillo: Why not? I've already seen the living room in the light.
- Blanche Devereaux: You may not have noticed this but I've put on 3 pounds.
- Sophia Petrillo: On each side.
- Dorothy: So you're five years older. So am I, so is Blanche. All right, so you have a few more wrinkles. So do I, so does Blanche. OK, so you're a little thicker around the middle. So is Blanche.
- Rose Nylund: [looking in the fridge] Ohhhhh you'll never guess what I found!
- Dorothy: Jimmy Hoffa!
- Rose Nylund: Pepperoni.
- Blanche Devereaux: Uh oh.
- Dorothy: Don't tell Ma.
- Dorothy: Rose, get up, you have a phone call.
- Rose Nylund: [half asleep] Is it time to milk the cows, Daddy?
- Dorothy: No kitten, you have a phone call.
- Rose Nylund: [takes out her earplugs] What?
- Dorothy: YOU HAVE A PHONE CALL, it's your friend MILTON!
- Rose Nylund: Oh my goodness, why's he calling so late?
- Dorothy: Well you told him to call day or night!
- Rose Nylund: That was just an expression, like laugh and the world laughs with you, well the whole world doesn't really laugh.
- Rose Nylund: [looking through the refrigerator] Oh, you'll never guess what I found!
- Dorothy: Judge Crater.
- Rose Nylund: Cheesecake!