"Get Smart" The Last One in Is a Rotten Spy (TV Episode 1966) - Don Adams as Maxwell Smart

Greco : You don't look like a trainer to me.

Maxwell Smart : Is that so. Well, I happen to be an expert. Why, I once trained a girl to swim across the English channel four times. Would you believe it, four times!

Greco : I find that hard to believe.

Maxwell Smart : Would you believe three times across the Mississippi?

Greco : I don't think so.

Maxwell Smart : How about twice around the bathtub?

[Greco walks off]

Maxwell Smart : [to 99 and the Chief] Once around the bathtub?
Chief : [Max just dove into a pool to retrieve a bottle which turns out to be empty] Sorry about that, Max.

Maxwell Smart : Well, that's all right, Chief. It wasn't a complete waste of time. This is a deposit bottle. I can get a nickel back on it.
Maxwell Smart : Chief, the food here is terrible. This sandwich tastes like I'm chewing on paper.

# 99 : Max, the message!

Maxwell Smart : [realizing] I'm chewing on paper.

Maxwell Smart : [takes out the message] Chief, it's the message: unable to leave message in pool. The names of the enemy agents are:

Chief : Are what?

Maxwell Smart : In my stomach.

Chief : What?

Maxwell Smart : I ate the rest of the message, Chief.
Chief : Max, please be careful. You'll be out there alone. A walking target for a killer.

Maxwell Smart : And... loving it.
Maxwell Smart : Well at least we won't have any trouble with these good old American names:

Maxwell Smart : [reads from a list] Bobby Jean Harper, Betty June Parker, Bonnie Joan Booker and Bunny Jane Baker.

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart