- Chief: Now Max, you and 99 are to contact agent 44 at this adress: the Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar.
- Maxwell Smart: Is that Barbie's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar?
- Chief: No, no, no, Barbie's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar is on Balboa Boulevard. You're to go to Bunny Beebe's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar on Barnaby Boulevard.
- Maxwell Smart: Now how in the world did I end up with the same carriage I started off with?
- Maxwell Smart: [thinks for a moment] I told 'em sixteen wouldn't work.
- Ironhand: Let's not be foolish, Mr. Smart. I want those plans.
- Maxwell Smart: You'll have to kill me first.
- Ironhand: I was going to do that second.
- Marco: KAOS has just been aquired by I.H. Industries.
- Maxwell Smart: Of course, I.H. Industries. Who's I.H. Industries?
- Marco: They're a very big conglomerate. They already own steel companies, airlines, oil companies and a chain of pizza parlors.
- Maxwell Smart: With all that capital behind them, there'll be no stopping KAOS.
- Chief: KAOS broke in here and ransacked my office.
- Maxwell Smart: But I don't understand, Chief. KAOS has never been able to penetrate Control headquarters before.
- Chief: That'll give you some idea of what we're up against now. This man who took over KAOS is cunning, diabolical, ingenious.
- Maxwell Smart: But there's one thing he's not.
- Chief: What's that?
- Maxwell Smart: Neat.
- Maxwell Smart: What do you suppose KAOS was after, Chief?
- Chief: I know perfectly well what they were after, what they've been after for several months now: the plans for the A.A.A.M.M.
- Maxwell Smart: You're stammering, Chief.
- Chief: I don't stammer!
- Maxwell Smart: You always stammer when you get upset.
- Chief: I'm not upset, when I said A.A.A.M.M., I meant the Anti-Anti-Anti-Missile Missile.
- Maxwell Smart: See what I mean?
- Agent 44: [in baby carriage] Hello 86.
- Maxwell Smart: Is that you, 44?
- Agent 44: No, it's Spiro Agnew. Of course it's me. Who else would get a job like this?
- Maxwell Smart: Spiro Agnew?
- Chief: [Larabee has destroyed a phone with the bowlingball stuck to his hand] Larabee, you smashed the hot-line, how am I going to get the President?
- Larabee: I'll get him for ya, Chief.
- [walks over to wall, pushes button to slide it open revealing a window behind it that overlooks the White House]
- Larabee: [shouting] Mister President!
- Chief: Larabee, you can't call the President that way.
- Mr. President: [off screen] What do you want?
- Maxwell Smart: Excuse me for laughing into your hand, Mr. Iron Face, but the plans that you're talking about happen to be on a plane on their way to a top secret location.
- Ironhand: Where?
- Maxwell Smart: Okinawa