Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (TV Mini Series)

Once Upon a Beginning (2004)

Richard Ayoade: Dean Learner, Thornton Reed

Photos 

Quotes 

• Garth Marenghi : I don't believe that any living thing should be harmed in the making of a television program or film. Be it human, animal or plant. That's why I personally feel sorry for the cat we killed.

  Dean Learner : I had a cat once. I dropped a sofa on it. It was a write-off, so I stood on its head.

• Dean Learner : I got a script, read it, it scared me senseless, I looked at Garth straight in the eyes, never been afraid of holding a mans gaze, it's natural, I said; "This is going to be the most significant televisual event since Quantum Leap." I do not say that often.

• Thornton Reed : What do you suggest, Dag?

  Dr. Rick Dagless : Well, we can start by burning what's left of the body.

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : Get lost!

  Thornton Reed : Cool it, Sanchez, or you'll get a knuckle supper! Look, Dagless, you're an excellent doctor, but you're also a live-wire maverick, who, when he's not bucking the system is biting the hand that feeds, which in your case is this hand. Now I'm not about to tell the immediate family of the deceased that we're going to have to burn what remains of his body in order to close the portal to another dimension. I just won't do it! This hospital's got a reputation which I intend to keep. I've yet to see any demons on the wards, and I'm particularly observant. So go back to your lab and make me a pill that will cure madness, or I'll kick your ass so hard, you'll be able to build a pool in the footprint! Understood?

  Dr. Rick Dagless : As crystal. But if the gates of Hell *do* reopen, don't say I didn't specifically warn you, because I just have, and that means you'll be lying.

• Thornton Reed : He's a wild card.

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : Then I'm glad he's in our deck.

  Thornton Reed : Let's hope he plays a fair hand.

  Dr Lucien Sanchez : He'll come up trumps.

  Thornton Reed : If, there's not a joker in the pack... and sometimes there is.

• Garth Marenghi : I have never exploded. But I know what it would be like. Don't ask me how. I just know. I've always just known.

  Dean Learner : Now I don't know whether someone close to Garth had exploded - whether it was a colleague or a pet - but you could tell that scene meant a lot to him. There were tears on set. Not from Garth. He was strong for the crew. But I wept. I'm not ashamed of that.