- [Niles brings Daphne her profit from a stock tip he gave her]
- Daphne: You have to help me decide what to do with it.
- Niles: Well, you might want to consider letting Wendel re-invest it. That's what I'm doing. It's called "rolling it over."
- [Frasier enters]
- Daphne: Then I'll do it. Oh, this is so exciting!
- Frasier: What's all this?
- Daphne: Well, your brother just gave me two hundred dollars, and now he's going to roll me over.
- Frasier: Niles?
- Niles: [embarrassed] Communications breakdown.
- Frasier: Good.
- Niles: Well, I hope you're happy!
- Frasier: Snap out of it! What you were doing was completely dishonest.
- Niles: Ooh, said the pot to the kettle!
- Frasier: What does that mean?
- Niles: I think you know what it means.
- Frasier: Oh, don't be ridiculous! Our two situations are totally different.
- Niles: Oh, really? How so?
- Frasier: Well, for one thing, you've been misleading a woman for your own selfish gain.
- Niles: And so are you!
- Frasier: Well, I'm not finished. She was also trusting you to tell the truth!
- Niles: Oh, and the difference would be?
- Frasier: Your woman is English!
- Niles: Frasier, you've lost this one.
- Frasier: I know, I know. It's just going to take a little while to climb down off of this particular high horse.
- Dr. Honey Snow: Oh, Dr. Niles Crane. I read a wonderful article you wrote in the Journal of Psychiatric Medicine. Let's see... "Gestalt Therapy, Probing the Subconscious."
- Niles: Yes, and I believe I read your quiz in Cosmo, "Is Your Guy a Stud or a Dud?"
- Daphne: I'm off to the Book Nook. Dr. Snow is signing copies of her new bestseller.
- Martin Crane: Hey, wait a minute! You're going out? What about my whirlpool therapy?
- Daphne: Oh, right. I forgot. Maybe you could go to the book signing for me, Dr. Crane. It's right around the corner from the station.
- Frasier: I would sooner attend a hoedown.
- Niles: I would gladly go, but I've got my compulsive spending seminar, and I'm hoping to unload the rest of these raffle tickets.
- [Niles has been giving Daphne phony stock payoffs to get hugs and kisses from her]
- Niles: The first stock really did pay off, but then the rest all tanked. And what was I supposed to do? Tell that poor, working-class Venus I'd lost her life savings? I had to pay her back and if I threw in a little extra, well, where's the harm in that?
- Frasier: Niles, you are giving a woman money in order to obtain physical affection! We are talking the world's oldest profession. Granted, this is sort of the Walt Disney version, but still. It's wrong, and I insist you stop it.
- Niles: No. It's altruistic, it's noble, it's fun, and you can't make me stop.
- Daphne: [meeting Honey] Well, we've both got sort of unusual names: Daphne Moon, Honey Snow. Come to think of it, if you married my father, your name would be Honey Moon.
- Niles: What are you all dressed up for? Hot date?
- Frasier: As a matter of fact, yes.
- Niles: With whom?
- Martin Crane: Dr. Honey Snow.
- Frasier: Did it ever occur to you that I might not want Niles to know who I'm dating?
- Martin Crane: Sure it did. Right before I said it.
- [first lines]
- Martin Crane: [entering the apartment] Ahh, I still say when some guy grabs your parking space, you don't just sit there, you say something.
- Frasier: Dad, when a man has no front teeth and stitches on his nose, I think it's safe to assume he's sensitive to criticism.
- Niles: Frankly, I find it laughable that you're even considering putting your name on five-hundred-thousand copies of this piffle. Not even piffle--it's piffle-lite.
- Niles: Ooh, watching the sport of kings, I see. Which horse did you wager on?
- Martin Crane: Joe's Dream, number eight.
- Niles: Goodness, he seems to be taking a serene, almost Buddhist approach to the race.
- Dr. Honey Snow: I have something I want to give you.
- Frasier: Oh?
- Dr. Honey Snow: It's a manuscript of my upcoming book.
- Frasier: Oh. Another one? So soon?
- Dr. Honey Snow: I hope you like it Frasier. Because if you do, I'd love for you to write the foreword.
- Frasier: Me?
- Niles: Who better?
- Frasier: Well, actually there's so many other people that would be more qualified to write for such an important work.
- Dr. Honey Snow: Well, if I didn't know better, I'd think you didn't want to do it.
- Frasier: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's a great honor.
- Daphne: I'll say. The last book had an introduction by Mickey Rooney.
- Frasier: I hope you feel you can be just as honest with me.
- Dr. Honey Snow: Oh I do, I do. Tell me everything. I don't want us to hide anything.
- Frasier: I thought your chapter titles were clumsy and jejune. Your turn.
- Dr. Honey Snow: You use way too much French in everyday conversation. You go.
- Niles: I think you know what you have to do.
- Frasier: Yes. I have to tell her I can't write the foreword. Oh, Niles, and I have to say goodbye to the chance of ever sleeping with absolute perfection. Oh, where oh, where will I ever have the chance again to gaze upon such extraordinary proud and supple breasts?
- Niles: Not to worry brother, that's the manager's special at Farmer Jack's Chicken, Chicken, Chicken.
- Frasier: I love saccharin, use it every day.
- Dr. Honey Snow: I'm glad you like saccharin, darling, because there's no way you're getting any honey.