Frasier (TV Series)

Three Dates and a Breakup (1997)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frasier : Niles, was that Natalie Spencer I just saw you talking with?

  Niles : As a matter of fact it was. I've been admiring her all evening, so I steeled myself and asked her if she might be free next week.

  Frasier : And?

  Niles : Well, her lips said "no", but her eyes said "read my lips".

• Niles : Have you noticed there are fewer hazlenuts in these biscotti?

  Frasier : So I'm not crazy.

  Niles : And yet they've gone up twenty-five cents.

  Frasier : Oh, fewer nuts, more money - something I've been aspiring to for my entire professional life!

• Niles : Yes, and I'd love to stay but I... have my therapy group meeting, and last time I was late the, er, compulsive gamblers were betting the passive aggressives that they couldn't make the over-eaters cry.

• [Roz enters the Cafe wearing an elegant dress] 

  Niles : You look like an almost-passable version of someone who works with my brother.

  Roz Doyle : Bite me!

  Niles : Oh, it is you.

• Niles : Well, were you seriously considering playing couple's therapist with Dad and that woman, after we just got rid of her?

  Frasier : I have no intention in repairing the rift. God, last night for the first time in months I wasn't jolted awake at 2:00 AM by her rousing rendition of "Foggy Mountain Breakdown"!

• Frasier : [answers the door]  Niles! I'd offer you a sherry, but I'm fresh out!

  [They slam their chests together] 

  Niles : I can't believe Dad finally came to his senses! Oh, shall we attempt a high-five?

  Frasier : Well no, not after what happened last time. Your watchband got caught in my hair.

• [Niles balks at asking out an attractive woman at a party, while two women have already come onto Frasier] 

  Frasier : Well Niles, I'll tell you what. Seeing as how Cupid has so amply stocked my quiver this evening, I shall try and shine on your behalf.

  Niles : [nearly sick]  Oh my God, you're unbearable!

• Frasier : So, for the second time in two nights Sherry manages to chase away another date! She's like a scarecrow in the cornfield of my love life!

  Niles : I don't know how many more of your disastrous love stories I can hear. I'll say "when."

• [a bell is heard from the kitchen] 

  Frasier : Oh, there's my canapés.

  Niles : Oh, right. Date number two. I'll be off as well. You can fill me in tomorrow.

  Frasier : You'll get a full debriefing - as, hopefully, will I.

• Niles : I suppose you came over here to gloat because a woman came onto you.

  Frasier : Not hardly, I wouldn't do that sort of thing. I came over here to gloat because *two* women came onto me!

  Niles : Two?

  Frasier : My God, I've never had a night like this in my entire life! I'm a babe magnet, I'm catnip!

  Niles : I think I feel a fur ball coming up.

• Frasier : [Niles makes an odd face with a raised eyebrow]  What are you doing? You look nauseated.

  Niles : That woman is flirting with me. This is my 'I'm available' face.

  Frasier : [Niles makes the face again]  Well, stop it! My God, people will think the shrimp are bad.

• Frasier : [Niles makes an odd face with a raised eyebrow]  What are you doing? You look nauseated.

  Niles : That woman is flirting with me. This is my 'I'm available' face.

  Frasier : [Niles makes the face again]  Well, stop it! My God, people'll think the shrimp are bad.

• Frasier : Oh, by the way Niles, my benefit for the Seattle Theatre Ensemble is tonight - I haven't recieved your check yet.

  Niles : Well, that's because I'm still not sure if I'm coming. Whom should I expect to meet there?

  Frasier : Professional people... around our age...

  Niles : [wanting more]  Hmmm.

  Frasier : Same social standing...

  Niles : [strangely]  Yoww!

  Frasier : Specific-minded... interested in the arts...

  Niles : Oh for God's sake, how many women?

  Frasier : Well, why didn't you say so?

  Niles : Well, I thought my rutting monkey body language would have tipped you off.