Frasier (TV Series)
The First Temptation of Daphne (2001)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Daphne is asking him about transference] I remember back in my days of private practice, I did have my share of female adulation.
Roz Doyle : Oh, my god, were you able to cure them?
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [going crazy from a chirping cricket] Do you have any idea what it's like to be awakened intermittently throughout an entire night?
Roz Doyle : I have a three year old. I can't remember the last time I slept through a night.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, of course. But this constant chirping and chirping, over and over. Really, you can't imagine it.
Roz Doyle : Really? Did the cricket crawl into bed with you? Did the cricket throw up on you?
Dr. Frasier Crane : [sarcastically] Gee, I wish I had a three year old, so I could win every argument.
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Martin Crane : You sleeping?
Dr. Frasier Crane : I was trying to. I'm attempting to rearrange my schedule. Apparently, His Royal Chirpiness is nocturnal, so I have to be, as well.
Martin Crane : I got the answer to the problem, right here in this box.
Dr. Frasier Crane : What, we couldn't squash him with the shoes we already own?
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [referring to the cricket] Dear God, can't you make him shut up?
Martin Crane : That prayer doesn't get answered around here.
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Martin Crane : Anyway, just give me a half-an-hour and I'll have that pesky cricket out of the kitchen and inside this gecko.
Dr. Frasier Crane : I see. So we set a lizard loose to catch the cricket?
Martin Crane : Mmm-hmm.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Then what?
[Martin looks confused]
Dr. Frasier Crane : We get an owl to eat the gecko? Then we get a tiger to eat the owl?
[pause]
Dr. Frasier Crane : What eats the tiger, Dad, tell me that!
Martin Crane : An alligator, for one, smart guy!
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Martin Crane : But that's not going to happen and you know why? Because we'll put a little harness on the gecko so it doesn't run away.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, this just gets better and better.
Martin Crane : I thought I had some twine here.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I used it to stabilize a veal shank. Why don't you just make a little harness out of, uh... the dental floss?
Martin Crane : Hey, that's not bad!
Dr. Frasier Crane : I wasn't serious... not my cinnamon waxed!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : It's asleep, Dad.
Martin Crane : No, it's not.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Really, he hasn't twitched his tail for two minutes.
Martin Crane : That's because he's lulling him into a false sense of security. The most dangerous part of a gecko is its mind.
[long pause]
Dr. Frasier Crane : What-are-you-talking-about?
[measures with his fingers]
Dr. Frasier Crane : A gecko's brain is, like, this big.
Martin Crane : [measures with his fingernails] But a cricket's brain is only this big.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : All right, fine. Where were we?
Martin Crane : Ann Margaret.
Dr. Frasier Crane : You cannot just blurt out "Ann Margaret" like that. I'm sorry, we can only take ten women to Love Island, all right? We have to put a little thought into this. I'll tell you who makes my list: that dark haired temptress who works at the bookstore.
Martin Crane : [smiles] Lisa.
Dr. Frasier Crane : You know her name?
Martin Crane : Are you kidding?
Dr. Frasier Crane : All this time you've been going down there, I thought you belonged to some kind of book club.
Martin Crane : Oh, there's a club all right! You know, she got a belly ring last week.
Dr. Frasier Crane : [sighs] That's fantastic!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : I think it's coming from in here.
Dr. Frasier Crane : What?
Dr. Niles Crane : Dad has brought home a cricket!
Dr. Niles Crane : [genuine fear] A cricket? Get behind me, Daphne!
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Dr. Frasier Crane : How was your hunting trip?
Martin Crane : Oh, came home empty-handed.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, dear. I guess that means for the next several weeks we'll hear you grouse about the grouse and carp about the carp.
[laughs at his own joke]
Dr. Niles Crane : You've been working on that, haven't you?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, there was traffic!
