- Martin Crane: If you want to beat her to death with one of her crutches I can show you how to make it look like an accident.
- [standing at the side of the road, after being pulled over]
- Dr. Niles Crane: We don't have time for this, we have to get to the bridge!
- Policeman: According to her tracking device, your wife is in this vehicle.
- Dr. Niles Crane: But that's absurd!
- Daphne Moon: [annoyed] And she's his *ex*-wife!
- [sound of doors slamming]
- Martin Crane: Oh no, the press is here!
- Policeman: Open the trunk, sir.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Please, please, there's an item of a very personal nature in there, so if you could just keep the media back...
- Policeman: [drawing his gun] Now!
- [Niles opens the trunk, the policeman rummages inside]
- Dr. Niles Crane: See? No Maris. Oh, careful, careful, that's what I didn't want you to...!
- [the policeman reveals the painting]
- Martin Crane: Oh, jeez.
- Policeman: What the hell is that?
- Dr. Niles Crane: It's Pan, the satyr. A minor god of mischief, debauchery, and fornication.
- Daphne Moon: [fondly] That's what our son would look like if I were a goat!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Politely ends phone call with insurance agent] Scandinavian shyster, cold-hearted, glad-handed, highway robber, phony, big-tooth smiling, son-of-a-bitch insurance man!
- [Realizes agent is still on the phone]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Not you, Jim. Love to Marie!
- Policeman: [on the patrol car's loudspeaker] Pull over immediately.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Dad, you're a cop, what do we do?
- Martin Crane: Pull over immediately.
- Martin Crane: Hi, Fraizh.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hi, Dad. What have you got there?
- Martin Crane: I made a sandwich with some of your cold chicken in there.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Also known as quail.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You know, I heard the most extraordinary thing on the radio today.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I know. Rubenstein's torrid survey of the Chopin mazurkas. It took all my strength not to turn the car around, drive home and ravish my wife.