- [Gertrude is locked in a battle of pranks with the son of Niles and Daphne's neighbors; while pacing the apartment, she opens the door to a courier]
- Gertrude Moon: Where have you been?
- Courier: Sorry, I had a tough time finding this place. I checked the directory for "Crane" but it had "Old Bat" next to this apartment number.
- [Gertrude turns to a parcel she has waiting]
- Gertrude Moon: [to herself] A little obvious, but not bad.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: For the record, I knew immediately it was not my car. Mine has a bumper sticker on it that says, "I AM PRO OPERA AND I VOTE!"
- Roz Doyle: Frasier, you've got to admit, it was clever.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I admit nothing. That is the last we shall discuss of it, we have a show to do.
- Roz Doyle: OK.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Good afternoon, Seattle, and welcome to the Halloween edition of the Dr. Frasier Crane Show. Today we will be discussing the topic of fears. Are they irrational hindrances, or evolutionary tools? Hmmm... the surprising answer, after these words.
- [He goes to commercial]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [on tape; wailing] My car! Ohhhh, no - my caaar! What did they do to you? Oh, my bay-beee...!
- [a neighbor's trash can topples into Niles's apartment]
- Beverly: Jason, get back here! It seems our children have been feuding. We're very embarrassed.
- Dr. Niles Crane: You're embarrassed?
- [points to Gertrude]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Meet our daughter.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Only last night, Mrs. Moon challenged a trick-or-treater, and he responded by pelting our door with eggs.
- Gertrude Moon: Yeah, but I got the little monster back, by putting a big, greasy glob of Vaseline on his doorknob!
- Dr. Niles Crane: You said you'd put an end to it!
- Gertrude Moon: Hence the Vaseline.
- Daphne Crane: Mum, he's a child!
- Gertrude Moon: Well, it's time he learned you don't mess with Gertrude Moon without incurring my wrath. Now, excuse me, I require cocoa.
- Jason White: You know, my mom hates bugs. She screams like a girl.
- Gertrude Moon: So does my son-in-law.
- Jason White: I know where we can find some crickets.
- Gertrude Moon: No! Now, we should do as we're told, and start cleaning up.
- Jason White: [sighs] Okay.
- Gertrude Moon: That way, they won't be expecting it!
- Bulldog Briscoe: Roz, you just missed the classic prank of all time. I'll admit it, this was my masterpiece.
- Roz Doyle: Oh, who, who? Who'd you get?
- Kenny Daly: [entering] There he is!
- Bulldog Briscoe: I got this friend down at the impound lot, who came across a smashed-up BMW, same make and model as Frasier's.
- Roz Doyle: You didn't! You got Frasier! Bulldog: I had his car towed from the garage, the wreck went in its place.
- Kenny Daly: The doc totally freaked when he saw it. First he started swearing, and then he implored the heavens, and just when his lip started trembling, Bulldog comes out, tells him it's all a prank.
- Bulldog Briscoe: Hey, Bulldog observes the mercy rule. Besides, I got the whole thing on tape.
- Gertrude Moon: That is precisely what's wrong with this country, everyone's afraid to stand up to the children.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I'll just pop out to the store and pick up some candy.
- [hears something hit the door, opens it and finds eggs on it]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Right after I get my slicker and my squash goggles.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Zombie #2, what are you doing?
- Zombie #2: I'm scaring Bulldog?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I see. Is that what zombies do, they scare people?
- Zombie #2: Um...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Wrong. They eat brains, and THAT'S what scares people!
- Martin Crane: Oh, jeez, Fras, this is the fourth time through. Can somebody else play Bulldog now?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, you said you would help me with this.
- Martin Crane: Well, that's because you said we were gonna do a practical joke. I thought it would be fun.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Whatever gave you that idea?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Giving notes to a zombie actor] Todd, I am getting dead from you. But I'm not getting undead.
- Gertrude Moon: [watching Daphne and Niles segue from arguing to being lovey dovey] If this is what you call fighting, you're not fit for marriage.
- Martin Crane: [after watching Bulldog shoot a zombie on the CCTV] Kenny, it's a fake gun.
- Kenny Daly: What?
- Martin Crane: It's a fake gun!
- Kenny Daly: What about the bullets?
- [Martin and Roz share a look]
- Donald: Jason, have you been fighting with this woman?
- Jason White: Well she broke my bike and made me have to see a counselor at school!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Why is it that whenever Bulldog pulls a practical joke, you all applaud him, as if he'd won some sort of bowl or cup or other sports dish? But when I ask you to give up a single Sunday, all I get is complaints?
- Martin Crane: Well, because you keep turning it into work! This is supposed to be fun! Like a day at the beach. Oh, you do this kind of thing all the time.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Like when?
- Martin Crane: Like the last time we went to the beach!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: A lot of people bring rakes!