- Niles: I see your "Bartlett's" is out. You're not pulling any punches!
- Frasier: Hardly. I go in swinging with La Rochéfoucauld: "If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others."
- Niles: [boxing-match style] Ouch!
- Frasier: And when I've knocked them reeling, I go in with a jab of Dorothy Parker: "Wit has truth in it, wise-cracking is merely calisthenics with words."
- Niles: Pow!
- Frasier: And when they're bloody and against the ropes, I go in with the kill -
- [shadow-boxing]
- Frasier: Twain, Wilde, Twain, Twain, Mencken!
- Niles: [Simulates getting pummeled] It's not a fight, it's an execution!
- [Carlos and the Chicken have offered a cash prize for the best photo of Frasier's butt]
- Frasier: [rushing into his apartment] Leave me alone! For God's sake, have some respect!
- Martin: Was that Mrs. Curdsman?
- Frasier: She dropped her medication in the hallway. As I stooped to pick it up, out came her camera like an assassin's blade!
- [holds up pill bottle]
- Frasier: Well, if she wants to control those blood clots, she'll cough up that film!
- Daphne Moon: Dr. Crane, how do you know it's time to have your crepe pans re-seasoned, anyway?
- Niles: It can be confusing. But this may help: "Saucepans in summer, crepe pans in fall, when winter's upon us, there's food for us all."
- Martin: People think you're stuffy. You know, with your opera parties, and your wine parties and your seasoned crepe pans.
- Frasier: In my defense, Niles is the only one who has ever seasoned his crepe pans.
- Niles: Which is precisely why I've had the same set since the ninth grade, thank you very much.
- Frasier: Oh, Daphne, Daphne! Tell us, do you think we're snobby, superior and condescending?
- Daphne Moon: That's it! I'm getting my door soundproofed.
- Martin: My point is, you guys could never resist putting on airs. Even when you were in junior high, you used to love that TV program, The Avengers . You used to run all over the neighborhood pretending you were that guy with the umbrella... Steve.
- Frasier: Steed!
- Niles: Dad!
- Frasier: There were worse role models. Steed was dapper and witty. When anybody tried to give him grief, he gave them a sound thrashing with his umbrella.
- Martin: Well, that's great, admire him if you want. But did you have to run through the neighborhood in bowler hats? You were just begging to get beat up.
- Frasier: Come to think of it, it was rather a rough summer that year, wasn't it?
- Niles: I remember getting a chin strap, so the bowler wouldn't fall off when I ran.
- Martin: And all that did was make you look like Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet.
- Martin: [on phone with Duke] No kidding. He's flying you to Las Vegas for the fight?
- [turns so Frasier can hear]
- Martin: That's a great son you've got there, Duke.
- Daphne Moon: [opens door for Niles] Good morning, Dr. Crane.
- Niles: Hello, Daphne, Dad. Frasier, I thought you might like to join me. I'm going down to Abigail's to have my crepe pans re-seasoned.
- [Martin quickly turns away the phone so Duke doesn't hear]
- Frasier: Gosh, I'd love to, Niles, but I've just drawn myself a nice herbal bath.
- [Martin turns the other way]
- Martin: [laughs] No, no, it's just Daphne, she's watching PBS.
- Daphne Moon: You know, it's funny hearing you talk about "The Avengers." My first Halloween in America, I went to a party dressed as Mrs. Peel. Head-to-toe in that skintight black leather catsuit. Come to think of it, I still have it somewhere, and Halloween's coming up.
- Martin: Catsuit, huh?
- [nods towards Eddie]
- Martin: Better not let this guy hear you talking about that, he'll go nuts.
- Niles: [indignant] I would not!
- [sees Eddie]
- Niles: ...be surprised if he did!
- [pets Eddie]
- Niles: Ho-ho-ho...
- The Chicken: [simulating Frasier and Roz having sex on the radio] Oh my God, they're changing positions!
- Carlos: I've never seen that one before.
- [plays back tape recording of Frasier on the phone]
- Frasier: Love enters through the nose.