Frasier (TV Series)

Four for the Seesaw (1997)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : Nice meeting you, ladies. I'm really glad the boys brought you over. And it's been a long time since I said that and meant it.

• Martin Crane : All right. Okay.

  [reading to Daphne] 

  Martin Crane : With a gasp of dismay, she ran to him, her amethyst eyes wide with alarm. 'You fool,' she hissed, 'Suppose someone saw you. The Duke's men are everywhere'.

  [looks up] 

  Martin Crane : Hey, this isn't so bad.

  Daphne Moon : I told you.

  Martin Crane : [reading again]  'You fool,' she whispered again, 'You sweet, brave, wonderful fool. I should have died had you not found my bedchamber.'

  [suddenly embarrassed] 

  Martin Crane : Oh, Geez!

  [reads] 

  Martin Crane : Then she was in his arms and all her qualms forgotten as she tore his tunic asunder and thrust her eager lips against the sinews of his naked chest.

  [He looks over to Daphne who seems to be asleep. He turns some pages and starts reading again] 

  Martin Crane : The next morning...

  Daphne Moon : You left out a section!

  Martin Crane : Okay, okay!

  [goes back, reads] 

  Martin Crane : As his brazen fingers peeled the silken fabric from her heaving...

  [coughs the word bosom out as he turns red] 

  Martin Crane : ... he beheld her quivering alabaster mounds.

  [takes a huge gulp of his beer to wet his suddenly dry throat] 

  Martin Crane : At that moment she felt the proof of his rampant passion...

  [he sweeps his forehead of sweat] 

  Martin Crane : against her milky thighs. His almost God-like beauty was marred only...

  [he looks over to a sleeping Daphne] 

  Martin Crane : ... by the fact that he was...

  [closes book] 

  Martin Crane : cross-eyed, three feet tall and had breath like owl droppings!

• Martin Crane : So, you've been out on a double date, huh?

  Beth Armstrong : Well, sort of. We met this afternoon and the next thing we knew, your sons were taking us out to dinner and then to the Seattle Rep.

  Martin Crane : Oh, what did you see?

  Laura Paris : 'The Man Who Came To Dinner.' It's about a bad-tempered invalid that moves into these people's house and just drives them crazy.

  Martin Crane : Oh, comedy?

  Frasier : I used to think so.