Frasier (TV Series)

Dark Victory (1995)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

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Quotes 

• [having gone out of his way to cheer everyone up on his father's birthday, everyone is abandoning Frasier's planned celebration to join a party downstairs] 

  Frasier : No, no thank you. I'm not really in the mood any more.

  Daphne : Oh, don't be a party pooper.

  Martin : Ah, leave him. He's always been this way.

  Frasier : Excuse me! Just-just a second! I think it's time we learnt what it is to walk in the shoes of this particular party pooper. I spend the damn week administering to the troubled and the neurotic and the just plain goofy, and then I hang up my earphones and it doesn't end there! Out on the street, in the cafe, even in this building. More people. More problems. I suppose they think it's okay, it's what I do. But every time I try to help them it costs me a little piece of myself. A little bit here, a little bit there, a little bit here, a little bit there... until I end up feeling like a zebra carcass on the Serengeti surrounded by burping vultures! Well, this happened to be one of those weeks. I had my escape planned. I was going to come home for an evening of fun with my extended family. What do I get? I get the four of you going at each other like the Borgias on a bad day! So I roll up my sleeves, and I tend to each one of you. And you all feel better. And the minute you get a whiff of mesquite coming from down below, you are out the door! Without so much as a 'thank you'! Well, thank you for the invitation, but I am, frankly, fed up with people and their problems. The doctor is out.

• Martin : I certainly don't want to keep anybody here a second longer than they have to be, so let's get this over with. Thanks for a great party!

  [He leans over the table, blows out the candles on his cake - and all the lights go out] 

  Niles : Well, there's nothing wrong with Dad's lungs.

• Frasier : Listen, Dad. You can still travel. You can. You can't walk around Paris - you can sit at a nice café and let Paris walk past you. Maybe buy a glass of wine for a beautiful Mademoiselle. Get yourself a nice bottle of imported beer.

  Martin : I only like Ballantines.

  Frasier : In Paris, Ballantine's is imported beer.

• [after arguing about doing Martin's exercises for the umpteenth time] 

  Martin : Just decided what I want for my birthday: fire Daphne!

  Daphne : You'd have to re-hire me first, because I quit! I hope I never see this place or that hateful old canker sore ever again.

• Frasier : Dad, you haven't even cut your cake yet. Where are you going?

  Martin : I'm gonna sit in the tub with a hairdryer and wait for the power to come back on.