Frasier (TV Series)
Coots and Ladders (2004)
David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane
Photos
Quotes
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[while looking at some old family photos]
Daphne Crane : Why are you all hunched over in this one?
Dr. Niles Crane : Uh...
Daphne Crane : You were looking at my bum, weren't you?
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, heavens, no!
Daphne Crane : Oh, it's all right, Niles, we're married now.
Dr. Niles Crane : All right, yes. I might, once, in a moment of weakness have permitted myself a fleeting glance.
[She hands him another photo]
Dr. Niles Crane : Or twice.
[Another photo]
Dr. Niles Crane : Many, many times.
Daphne Crane : It's all about the rear with you, isn't it?
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, no, darling...
Daphne Crane : No, seriously.
[turns around]
Daphne Crane : What color are my eyes?
Dr. Niles Crane : Um...
Daphne Crane : You're looking at it again, aren't you?
-
Dr. Niles Crane : This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, yes, you missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll.
-
Roland : [Roland notices Niles fumbling on the ladder] What are you doing?
Dr. Niles Crane : I, uh...
Dr. Frasier Crane : Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder.
Dr. Niles Crane : Yes, I hate spiders.
Sarah : I didn't see a spider. Come back down.
Dr. Frasier Crane : No!
Roland : Why not?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. This may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear!
[Niles - believably - feigns terror]
Dr. Frasier Crane : Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in.
Sarah : Crowds, too?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro-agoraphobe.
-
Ronee Lawrence : You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. You got your arm around a floor lamp.
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, no, that's Maris in her Easter hat.