- [Frasier has fallen into his father's chair, delirious from taking medication for his back pain]
- Niles: Oh my God - did you fall?
- Frasier: No, I - you know I'm actually quite comfortable Niles! Look:
- [Frasier motions towards television cabinet]
- Frasier: There's no glare on the television! And here's a lovely place to set your drink!
- [Frasier places his hand limply on TV tray and looks up at Niles with wide eyes]
- Niles: Just give me your hand and whatever the chair is telling you, don't listen.
- Frasier: No, Niles, no! It's helping my back, actually. You know - and when you sit in it, you don't have to look at it!
- Daphne Moon: [Frasier is doped up on painkillers for his back and Daphne is giving him a massage] You took quite a few of those pills, didn't you? You know what's curious, though?
- Frasier: Cats!
- Daphne Moon: Yes. But I'm talking about our little mix-up. When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me," he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?
- Frasier: Oh that... he meant Niles!
- Daphne Moon: [completely stunned] What?
- Frasier: Niles... he's crazy about you!
- Daphne Moon: [still stunned] Dr. Crane?
- [to Frasier]
- Daphne Moon: Dr. Crane!
- [Frasier has fallen asleep]
- Frasier: [seeing that Eddie has buried his head under a pillow] You know, there are subtler ways of letting a patient know his hour is up!
- Martin Crane: Hey, Fras.
- Frasier: Yes, Dad?
- Martin Crane: Did Daphne tell you?
- Frasier: Tell me what?
- Martin Crane: She found out Niles has a thing for her.
- Frasier: What?
- Martin Crane: Yes.
- Frasier: How?
- Martin Crane: Well, she said she overheard him earlier saying how much he loves her.
- Frasier: Oh, dear God, no wonder she's been so distracted. What did you say, did you confirm it?
- Martin Crane: Well, yes, I said I knew about it.
- Frasier: Oh, Dad...
- Martin Crane: Well come on, what else was I going to say? And then I told her it was none of my business and I took off out of there.
- Frasier: [thinks] Wait a minute! How did she even see Niles today?
- Martin Crane: I don't know, but she said she overheard him saying he loves her and that he wanted to tell her while he still has the chance.
- Frasier: [realizing] Oh, no!
- Martin Crane: What?
- Frasier: I said that...
- Martin Crane: [groans] Oh, not you now!
- Frasier: No, no, no, Dad, not that. I was just doing a little exercise to try and help my back and I was talking out loud about how much I was going to miss Daphne. She must have overheard me and misunderstood.
- Martin Crane: Who were you talking to?
- Frasier: [after a pause] If you must know, I was talking to Eddie.
- Martin Crane: [smirks] Helps, doesn't it!
- Frasier: [Frasier throws his back out] I went to see the doctor last week, and he told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.
- Martin Crane: Oh, doctors never tell you anything. They're just a bunch of overpaid quacks.
- [Frasier glowers at Martin; Martin hems and haws]
- Martin Crane: I don't mean you! I'm talking about real doctors!
- Frasier: I am not "of a certain age," Niles. I am smack dab in the middle of "not a kid any more." I won't be "of a certain age" for another ten years.
- [Eddie the dog stares at Frasier]
- Frasier: What? Do you want to know what's bothering me too? Well, here's a start, I'm talking to a dog, that bothers me. I'm another year older today, I suppose that bothers me, but not as much as people seem to think. I'm still single, that's a big one. Not having a woman to share my life with. The only women in my life are friends; Roz and Daphne. Daphne's not even here anymore, she'll be married soon. That's going to be tough on Dad. Who am I kidding? It's going to be tough on me. It's been nice having her here. Even when my love life hasn't been going so well, I can always come home to a warm and considerate woman. You know, that's probably why I've been so brusque with her lately. I know that once she's gone, I'll probably be twice as lonely... Well, it's quite a realization isn't it?
- [Unbeknownst to Frasier, Daphne walks in to the room wearing a robe]
- Frasier: I really do love Daphne and I'm about to lose her. I've got to show her how I feel about her, while I still have the chance.
- [Daphne, taken aback by the comments, quickly tiptoes back to her room before Frasier notices her]
- Frasier: Well, I don't know whether it was the therapy or the painkillers but I actually feel a bit better. Let's try this.
- [Frasier pulls himself to sit more comfortably on the chair; Meanwhile, Eddie buries his head under the pillow]
- Frasier: You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up.
- Daphne: [returning to the living room, acting] Oh, Dr. Crane! I didn't know you were here, I can't hear anything in that shower of mine, it's like a soundproof vault!
- Frasier: Daphne, I wanted to apologize for being so short with you this morning.
- Daphne: It's fine.
- Frasier: No, it's not. It's never fine. Listen, come here, please
- [Daphne hesitantly walks over to him]
- Frasier: Give me a hug
- [They hug somewhat awkwardly, with Daphne keeping some distance between her body and his]
- Frasier: Oh Daphne, do you know how much you mean to me?
- Daphne: I'm getting an idea!
- Martin Crane: [Entering the apartment] Hey, Daph.
- [No response from Daphne]
- Martin Crane: What's wrong? Are you all right?
- Daphne Moon: Well, actually no. I overheard something I wasn't supposed to hear. It's about Dr. Crane. I overheard him say he's in love with me.
- Martin Crane: What?
- Daphne Moon: And he wants to show me how much he loves me while he still has the chance.
- Martin Crane: Oh, jeez, not this!
- Daphne Moon: You knew about this?
- Martin Crane: I'm not getting in the middle of this!
- Daphne Moon: Then it's true?
- Martin Crane: Look, I kept my mouth shut for six years, I'm not saying anything now.
- [Martin heads towards the kitchen]
- Daphne Moon: Six years? He's felt this way for six years?
- Martin Crane: You didn't hear that from me!
- Frasier: [having recovered from his back pain] Oh, Daphne, by the way, thank you for the massage, I think it did just the trick.
- Daphne Moon: Anytime, Dr. Crane.
- Frasier: Listen, just before I drifted off I'm afraid I might have said something I wish I hadn't.
- Daphne Moon: [worried] Yes?
- Frasier: It's about Dad's chair, it may be comfortable but I still want to get it out of here.
- Daphne Moon: [slightly relieved but still tense] Oh, that...
- Frasier: Why, I didn't say anything else I shouldn't have said, did I?
- Daphne Moon: [Nervously] Well... No, no. And don't worry.
- [points at Martin's chair]
- Daphne Moon: Mum's the word!
- [the doorbell rings]
- Daphne Moon: [sarcastically] I'll get it.
- Frasier: Why, thank you.
- [as Daphne goes to answer the door, Martin walks in to talk to Frasier]
- Martin Crane: Did you straighten things out with Daphne?
- Frasier: Yes, I did.
- Martin Crane: Boy, that was a close one. I almost blew Niles's secret!
- Frasier: In the future, would you try to be more discreet? I can't pull your chestnuts out of the fire every time!
- Niles: Good evening, Daphne
- Daphne Moon: [nervously] Dr. Crane.
- [There is a pause as Niles senses something is up]
- Niles: You look different somehow. Have you done something new with your hair?
- [Daphne gestures to her party hat and takes it off]
- Niles: That must be it!
- [Niles goes over to greet Frasier and give him his birthday present as Daphne watches from a distance, looking almost longingly at Niles]