Frasier (TV Series)

A Lilith Thanksgiving (1996)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Lilith : I'm nearly done defrosting.

  Niles : And the turkey?

  Lilith : Might I suggest you stuff it?

• Niles : Oh, by the way, what time tomorrow are Frederick and Lilith flying in?

  Martin : Her broom touches down at eleven.

• [Niles is preparing Thanksgiving turkey in Lilith's kitchen] 

  Niles : Where do you keep your saffron?

  Lilith : Third cupboard.

  Niles : Mm-hmm, and where do you keep your shallots?

  Lilith : In the crisper. By the way, you still have to remove the entrails from the chest cavity.

  Niles : In that case, where do you keep your ten-foot pole?

• Martin : Why does Lilith have to tag along anyway?

  Frasier : Well, she just didn't want to spend the holiday alone. Her husband is off in New Zealand exploring a volcano.

  Martin : Well why couldn't she go with him?

  Niles : Well because if she accidentally fell in, the shockwave from the hottest thing in nature meeting the coldest would actually crack the Earth in two.

  [Niles and Martin laugh] 

  Frasier : [Not amused]  As if a smile from Maris couldn't freeze mercury.

  Martin : Guys, let it go. Nobody's gonna win this one.

• Martin : What's wrong?

  Niles : Oh, just a little depressed. It's my first Thanksgiving without Maris.

  Martin : Oh, yeah, I know, son. It's hard.

  Niles : Do you remember the year I plopped that big wedge of pumpkin pie in front of her, and we all laughed? Then I put a big scoop of whipped cream on top of it and we laughed some more! Then her eyes welled up with tears and we all knew it was time to stop.

• Martin : I still don't know how it happened. I lobbed it right to him.

  Niles : When are you going to learn, Dad? The only thing the Crane boys are skilled at catching is sarcastic nuance and the occasional virus.

• Daphne : If you don't mind my asking, are you taking anything along to keep your nephew amused?

  Niles : Yes, his grandfather.

• Frederick Crane : [licking the spoon]  Uh oh, are there anchovies in this?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Yeessss,

  [turns around and sees Freddie broken out] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh my God! I've never seen hives break out that fast.

  [car pulls up outside] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : They're back!

  Martin Crane : Uh Freddie, do you have any pills for this?

  Frederick Crane : I've got pills for *everything*.