Frasier (TV Series)
A Lilith Thanksgiving (1996)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Photos
Quotes
-
Dr. Campbell : I don't know how this started, I can only be sure it started with the two of you.
Lilith : Actually...
Dr. Campbell : I will die a happy man if I never set eyes on either of you again.
[They look heartbroken]
Dr. Campbell : Unfortunately, there is only one way I can think of to ensure that: your son Frederick is hereby admitted to the Marbury School.
Frasier : [They are both ecstatic] Oh!
Dr. Campbell : [holds up a hand] However! - he will immediately be expelled if either of you violates any of the following conditions: you will not bring him to school, you will not collect him; you will not attend any recitals, plays, sporting events, or school functions, up to and including "Frederick Crane Day," should we ever have one.
[He leads them to the door]
Dr. Campbell : And when graduation comes, you will dispatch an appropriate envoy with a video camera. And now it is with great pleasure that I bid you goodbye - forever!
Frasier : Allow me.
Lilith , Frasier : [He slams the door on himself and Lilith. Cut to the porch as Lilith and Frasier look at each other smugly] We're in!
-
Martin : Why does Lilith have to tag along anyway?
Frasier : Well, she just didn't want to spend the holiday alone. Her husband is off in New Zealand exploring a volcano.
Martin : Well why couldn't she go with him?
Niles : Well because if she accidentally fell in, the shockwave from the hottest thing in nature meeting the coldest would actually crack the Earth in two.
[Niles and Martin laugh]
Frasier : [Not amused] As if a smile from Maris couldn't freeze mercury.
Martin : Guys, let it go. Nobody's gonna win this one.
-
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Does my makeup look okay?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well you could use a pinch.
Dr. Lilith Sternin : Do I have time to touch up?
Dr. Frasier Crane : No no, a pinch.
[reaches over and pinches Lilith's cheeks]
Dr. Frasier Crane : There.
-
Frasier : My God, are you half as nervous as I am?
Lilith : And then some.
Frasier : We have got to master our nerves. It is vital that we appear to be well-adjusted, responsible parents. Lilith, do you still keep the Valium with the contraceptives?
Lilith : Sorry, I needed the last one just to go in and pick up the application.
Frasier : I'll assume you meant the Valium.
Lilith : Perhaps before the interview, you should sheath that butter-knife sharp wit of yours.
Frasier : Perhaps we could find the appropriate kitchen tool to ratchet down that butt of yours a notch or two!