Family Guy (TV Series)

There's Something About Paulie (2000)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Shelley Boothbishop, Greg, Mobster #2, Marty, Bob, British Man, Jeremy, Dr. Elmer Hartman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : What do you want me to do, whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? 'Cause I'm married.

• Peter Griffin : Lois, what are you doing lying on the couch at this hour? Have you been drinking?

  Lois Griffin : Peter, you know I never drink.

  Peter Griffin : Oh yeah? Just like you never dodged the draft?

  Lois Griffin : What are you talking about? I'm a woman.

  Peter Griffin : Sure you are. Now.

• Stewie Griffin : [Upon learning that Lois is the target of a hitman]  Oh dear, there are so many people to thank! God, of course, and umm... who else? Oh, this is so unexpected.

  [Discreetly checks a list pulled from his pocket] 

  Stewie Griffin : Oh yes, SATAN!

• Lois Griffin : Peter, did you get that thing taken care of.

  Peter Griffin : That thing? Oh yeah, I had the doctor look at it.

  [Cut to Peter at the doctor's office] 

  Dr. Hartman : Mr. Griffin, that's not a growth, that's your penis.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, well what about the...?

  Dr. Hartman : Testicles.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, how can we afford this?

  Peter Griffin : Let's just say the car was a steal.

  Lois Griffin : Say that again.

  Peter Griffin : The car was a steal.

  Lois Griffin : This time without winking.

  Peter Griffin : The car was a steal. Wink.

• Peter's Car : Take left at fork in road. In Soviet Russia, road forks you!

  Peter Griffin : Boy that's getting old.

• Peter Griffin : [is told he has to take Big Fat Paulie to the movies]  Can it be any movie? Because if it's anything with Greg Kinnear, you can just whack me off right now.

• Brian Griffin : What a mismatched pair. A free spirit and a puppet.

• Stewie Griffin : Wakey, wakey, worthless domestic, time to make me an edible gruel.