Family Guy (TV Series)

The Son Also Draws (1999)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Speed Racer, Pops Racer, Announcer, Scoutmaster, Carney, Margaret's Husband, Man in Operation, Schneider, Indian Puppet #1, Indian Casino Staff #2, Tree #3

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits! It says, "Ooooo".

  Brian : Peter, those are Cheerios.

• Brian : [as the Griffins watch "Happy Days" on television]  You have anything on that remote lower than "mute"?

• Carrot Top : [Using a bow as a prop]  Look! A bow tie! Now I'm David Bowie! Now I'm Bo Derek!

  Stewie Griffin : [Stewie throws several tomahawks which narrowly miss Carrot Top]  Oh, very funny! Now tell the one that doesn't suck!

• Stewie Griffin : Stupid, greedy savages!

  Lois Griffin : Stewie! That's a terrible thing to say.

  [background fades to black] 

  Lois Griffin : This one particular tribe has lost their way, but most Native Americans are proud, hard-working people who are true to their spiritual heritage. They are certainly NOT savages.

  ['The More You Know' logo appears] 

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, that's funny, mother. Just this morning you said they were lazy, like the dirty Mexicans.

  [background fades to black] 

  Stewie Griffin : Ha ha! Just kidding. The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.

  ['The More You Know' logo appears] 

  Meg Griffin : Yeah, not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes.

  [background fades to black] 

  Meg Griffin : Actually, the Swedish people run the gamut from very short to tall. And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor Alfred Nobel?

  ['The More You Know' logo appears] 

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, which is more than we ever got from those free-loading Canadians.

  [background fades to black] 

  Peter Griffin : Canada sucks!

• Pops Racer : [quick dialog]  Speed, I do not think you should be in this race, hahaa! The Mach 5 is not ready, hahaa!

  Speed Racer : But Pops, I must be in this race, hahaa!

  Pops Racer : Very well. Gaah, you know I am not your real father, hahaa!

  Speed Racer : [shocked look]  Aaah!

• Peter Griffin : [refusing to accept he's lost]  You know I can't ask another human being for directions.

  Lois Griffin : Why not?

  Peter Griffin : Because I'm a man. Haven't you ever seen a stand-up comedian, Lois?

• [Chris jumps on Peter's lap] 

  Chris Griffin : Dad, the scouts are no fun. I just want to draw. Oh, and...

  [kisses Peter] 

  Peter Griffin : Son, I am going to stand up, walk out of this room, and we are never to speak of this again.

• Lois Griffin : Stewie, I've got something special for you.

  Stewie Griffin : Jell-o, how exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the Q.E. 2!

• Peter Griffin : I never knew anyone in this family had any talent, except for that one thing your mother does.

  Chris Griffin : You mean play the piano?

  Peter Griffin : No, no, n... umm, yeah!

• Peter Griffin : Pack your bags up, the Griffins are heading to Big Apple!

  Speed Racer : Haha! Did you hear? The Griffins are going to New York. Haha!

  Pops Racer : This is not affecting us all! Haha!

  Speed Racer : Haha!

• Ann Romano : [Brian is laughing while watching "One Day at a Time"]  Damn it Julie, I am not shacking up with my boyfriend, I am just going away for the weekend.

  Schneider : Yeah! All the a-way!

  Brian Griffin : Whoo-hoo! Oh, damn Schneider, what will you say?

• Peter Griffin : Son, we're going to get you back in the Scouts so fast, they wont know what hit 'em.

  [he backs into a parked car] 

  Peter Griffin : And, um, neither will that guy.

• Brian Griffin : I've been to New York. It's like Prague sans the whimsy.

• Lois Griffin : [Stewie has just seen his parents having sex]  Honey, there's nothing wrong with what you saw... in fact, that's sort of how you were created...

  Stewie Griffin : Oh! That is a vile and odious lie! Get out of here woman, get out!

  [Lois leaves, Brian enters] 

  Brian Griffin : Oh, God. You saw them together, didn't you?

  Stewie Griffin : Ngg...

  [Stewie nods] 

  Brian Griffin : You know the tub where you take your little baths? They've done it there, too.

• [Peter is watching "Happy Days". Someone tries to talk to him] 

  Peter Griffin : Hold on! This is the one where the Fonz says "Aaay!"

  Fonzie : Aaay!

  Peter Griffin : YES! Take that, 1950's society!

• Peter Griffin : Geez, who died and made you President Nixon?