Family Guy (TV Series)

The Kiss Seen Round the World (2001)

Seth Green: Chris Griffin, Neil Goldman, Director, Teenage Boy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Neil Goldman : [carrying a cup of coffee]  Try to move on my woman, will you, Tom Tucker? Well, no one crosses Neil Goldman and gets away with it!

  [giggles] 

  Neil Goldman : I added a little something to your coffee that I don't think you're going to like.

  [enters Tom Tucker's dressing room] 

  Neil Goldman : Here's your coffee, Mr. Tucker.

  Tom Tucker : [takes a sip and spits it out]  What the hell is in this?

  Neil Goldman : Sweet'N Low! That's for trying to steal my woman!

  Tom Tucker : Go back and bring it to me with urine in it like I asked!

  Neil Goldman : [runs off]  Yes, sir.

• Neil Goldman : [to the other students]  What I'm about to show you is a fight scene from Star Trek season 1, episode 18. And as a bonus, I'm going to identify when it's Shatner and when it's his stunt double, Fred Lubins. Let's watch.

  [he plays a video of Captain Kirk fighting a monster] 

  Neil Goldman : [commenting over the scene as it cuts to different shots]  That's Shatner, of course. That's Lubins. And that's Shatner. And that's Lubins. That's Shatner. That's Lubins. And that's Shatner, but when I freeze-frame you can clearly see Lubins' coffee cup sitting on that rock!

  Meg Griffin : [to girl sitting next to her]  He is the biggest dork on the planet!

  Girl : Oh, totally.

  Neil Goldman : And so, because of his rough-and-tumble style of command, Captain Kirk is clearly superior to Jean-Luc Picard. Any questions?

  [goes up to Meg and leans close to her face] 

  Neil Goldman : [lustfully]  Me-e-eg?

  Meg Griffin : [recoiling]  No! Leave me alone!

  Teacher : Thank you, Neil, for that incredibly irrelevant presentation. We all know Captain Picard is the superior officer.

• Meg Griffin : [Neil snatches her clipboard off her]  Give it to me!

  Neil Goldman : What's that?

  Meg Griffin : Give it to me, Neil!

  [he pulls out a tape recorder and plays it back] 

  Meg Griffin : [on tape]  Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil!

  Neil Goldman : Yeah. That'll work just fine.