Family Guy (TV Series)

Running Mates (2000)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Lawyer, Robot Monitor, Chris' Classmate #2, Hall Monitor XLK

Photos 

Quotes 

• Brian Griffin : What's the matter? Do you miss your mommy?

  Stewie Griffin : [laughing]  Oh, yeah. That's it. I miss my mommy. I also miss colic and rectal thermometry.

  Brian Griffin : Whatever you say... mama's boy.

  Stewie Griffin : Blast!

• [watching a news report about Peter's old teacher who is getting his students to toss endagered condor eggs off the school roof] 

  Lois Griffin : Oh my god. He's going to wipe that species off the face of the earth.

  Peter Griffin : Nah, the janitor will take care of that.

• Brian Griffin : Peter, are you sure running against Lois is such a good idea? You know how competitive you get.

  Peter Griffin : I can be just as non-competitive as anybody. Matter of fact, I'm the most non-competitive. So I win.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, I cared about our schools. All you cared about some stupid competition. Well, winning was only half the battle. If you blow this to do something good for our kids, you will be the biggest loser I know.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, yeah? Well, Peter Griffin is no loser. When I'm through with our schools, our students will be so smart, they'll be able to program their VCRs without spilling piping-hot gravy all over myself.

• Peter Griffin : I know, you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grownup time and I'm the man.

• Stewie Griffin : Cease this prattling! This campaign literature must be posted today if we're to get you into office and out of my life, you festering strumpet!

• Brian Griffin : You're talkin' to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.

• Peter Griffin : For starters, we're making sex education more fun.

  Vagina Junction singers : [singing]  Vagina junction, what's your function?

  'Vagina Junction' Conductor : [singing]  Taking in sperm, and spitting out babies.

• Diane Simmons : And so ends a dark and shameful chapter in the history of Quahog, Rhode Island. One which leaves this reporter asking, how much moral bankruptcy and perversion must we, the people endure?

  Tom Tucker : Next up, stay tuned for our special investigative report on the clitoris, nature's Rubik's cibe.