Family Guy (TV Series)

Death Has a Shadow (1999)

Phil LaMarr: Judge, Thermostat Investigator #2

Quotes 

• Judge : Mr. Griffin, your words touch us. I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.

  Lois Griffin : Oh no!

  Brian Griffin : Oh no!

  Meg Griffin : Oh no!

  Chris Griffin : Oh no!

  Kool-Aid Guy : Oh Yeah!

• Judge : Mr. Griffin, don't you think you should've alerted the authorities of such a gross overpayment?

  Peter Griffin : Well, I was gonna call, but... Oh, oh! My favorite episode of "Diff'rent Strokes" was on! You know, the one where Arnold and Dudley get sexually molested by the guy that owns the bike shop?

  Bike Shop Owner : Alright, now I want you boys to scream real loud at my ass.

  Peter Griffin : And everybody learns a valuable lesson.

  Judge : Mr. Griffin, did you learn your lesson?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, yeah! Stay the hell away from *that* bike shop!

• Stewie Griffin : 24 months in prison, eh? Unacceptable. Intolerable as it may be, I depend upon those mindless drones for sustenance! Alright, let's see how the ironclad Constitution of the American justice system stands up to... the device.

  [Stewie points his mind control device on the judge and activates it. For a while, it seems to have no effect on him] 

  Judge : Is that your boy?

  Peter Griffin : Huh? Oh, yeah, that's Stewie.

  Judge : I can't separate a kid that young from his parents. It's... It's unjudgementally. Aw, hell, you learned your lesson, right?

  Peter Griffin : Yes.

  Judge : Okay, you're off the hook.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, wow! Could you give me my job back?

  Judge : No.

  [Stewie points the device at the judge again] 

  Judge : Yes!

  Peter Griffin : All right!