- Meg Griffin: [after getting humiliated by Connie] Mom, you were right! I should have just stuck to the plan.
- Lois Griffin: Well, I figured you might get soft on me, so I hired an old friend to scar them for life.
- [Connie's front doorbell rings]
- Glen Quagmire: Hey there, sweetie. How old are you?
- Connie D'Amico: Sixteen.
- Glen Quagmire: Eighteen? You're first.
- Connie D'Amico: [calling offscreen] Mom!
- Glen Quagmire: I like where this is going. Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy.
- GP: Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
- Rudolph: Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails?
- GP: No, it's a tumour.
- Rudolph: You mean like a magical Christmas tumour?
- GP: No, a malignant tumour, the base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
- Rudolph: Oh.
- [long pause]
- Rudolph: Like a happy special...
- GP: You're going to die!
- Lois Griffin: We'll meet you in the ten-inches-or-less line.
- [beat; Lois realizes what she's just said as she walks away]
- Lois Griffin: Items!
- Peter Griffin: [driving in his new phallic car when he pulls next to someone] Hey! Hey, when you pull that thing into your garage, does your garage say, "Is it, is it in yet?"
- [keeps driving, approaches tunnel]
- Peter Griffin: Don't worry baby. I'll be gentle.
- [after going in and out numerous times, Peter gets hit head-on by a truck, making the car short, and then gets laughed at by supermodels going by on a bus]
- Peter Griffin: Ow. My pride.
- [Meg is excited about being accepted to the flag girl squad]
- Stewie Griffin: Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call.
- [Stewie and Brian snicker with suppressed laughter]
- Lois Griffin: What wrong, honey?
- Peter Griffin: I'll tell you what's wrong: I'm trying to make love to you and you're thinking about Chris!
- Lois Griffin: Peter, is there something you need to tell me?
- Peter Griffin: Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang!
- Lois Griffin: Thanks to me?
- Peter Griffin: Well, he didn't get it from me!
- Stewie Griffin: She packed my bags. Last night preflight. Zero hour 9am
- [inhales cigarette]
- Stewie Griffin: and I'm gonna be... high... as a kite by then.
- [transparent Stewie clone #1]
- Stewie Griffin: And I think its gonna be a long time til touch down brings me round again to find, I'm not the man they think I am at home, Oh No no! I'm a rocket man. Rocket man! Burnin out his fuse out here, Alone!
- [Transparent stewie clone #2 bow tie undone]
- Stewie Griffin: And I think its gonna be a long time til touch down brings me down again to find, I'm not the man they think I am at home, Oh no no no! I'm a rock it man. Rocket man! burnin out his fuse out here. Alone!