- [first lines]
- Frank Barone: Okay everybody, you're allowed in my home unless you sit in my chair, touch my remote, or are married to me.
- Marie Barone: That's how you talk after church, Frank?
- Frank Barone: Yeah, my prayers weren't answered.
- Marie Barone: Next time, pray for hair.
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: I hate to break it to both of you, but God stopped listening to you two a long time ago.
- Sam: When I was a kid I used to work at the same company as your father. He was a real mentor to me.
- Robert Barone: Mentor?
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: You sure you don't mean *tor*-mentor?
- Amy MacDougall Barone: [after Marie critizies Deborah's cooking] Did that hurt your feelings a little?
- Deborah: Well, ya.
- Amy MacDougall Barone: [mocks Frank] Well, stop your cryin, and get off your pitty pot, Nancy!
- Deborah: You really are queer.