- Josh Nichols: Dude, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test.
- Drake Parker: [playing a driving video game] Which is exactly what I'm doing. Oh! Just rammed a dragon. D'yah, bridge is out!
- Josh Nichols: I seriously doubt our driving test is gonna include stealing a bus and ramming dragons.
- Drake Parker: Do you know that for sure?
- Josh Nichols: Hey, come on. I'll drive us to go get some pizza.
- Drake Parker: Nah, I'm not hungry.
- Josh Nichols: Neither am I. Now, let's go get some pizza.
- Drake Parker: Why?
- Josh Nichols: [dangling and jingling car keys] 'Cause we can. To the Josh-mobile!
- Walter Nichols: Capice?
- Josh Nichols: It's pronounced "capeesh," Dad.
- Walter Nichols: Ha-ha. Hm-hm. Touch.
- Josh Nichols: [correcting again] Touche.
- [police pull Josh over for running a stop sign]
- Josh Nichols: [while the police are back at their cruiser] What if he gives me a ticket? You heard what Dad said. He'll confiscate my license.
- Drake Parker: Well... well, I read somewhere about this one guy in Phoenix who got out of a traffic ticket by faking a heart attack.
- Josh Nichols: Well, I don't believe that.
- Drake Parker: Why not?
- Josh Nichols: You don't read.
- Carly Roberts: Uh, Drake, I'm sorry, but I can't pass you.
- Drake Parker: Why not?
- Carly Roberts: [referring to her chart] Well, let's see. You ran four stop signs, two red lights, drove on the sidewalk, rear-ended a firetruck... Oh, and you almost ran over an old lady in a wheelchair.
- Drake Parker: Well, she was hoggin' the lane.
- Walter Nichols: [giving Josh a driving lesson] Okay, now, a good driver is always prepared for the unexpected.
- Josh Nichols: Yeah, I know. I'm always tellin' Drake...
- Walter Nichols: A LITTLE GIRL!
- Megan Parker: [tossing a basketball ahead of her and jumping into frame] My ball! AHHH!
- Megan Parker: [falls to the ground dramatically] Oh...
- Megan Parker: [coughs] ... why are the good...
- Megan Parker: [coughs] ... always the first...
- Megan Parker: [coughs] ... to go?
- [lays out dead]
- Walter Nichols: Nice going, Josh. You ran over your sister.
- Drake Parker: [raising a hand] I get to run over her next.
- Josh Nichols: Drake, you can't coast through life on good looks, charm and cool.
- [Drake gives Josh a look]
- Josh Nichols: Okay, YOU... CAN. It's not gonna get you everything.