- Rob Petrie: Boy, we don't need a maid around this house. All we need is the threat of a maid around this house.
- Rob Petrie: [contacting the employment agency] Well, look, uh, she just isn't working out. Well... that... because you didn't mention a few little things, that's why.
- Laura Petrie: Like she doesn't speak English.
- Rob Petrie: Like she doesn't speak any English at all. And she's got a broken arm. Whadda you mean, why didn't I ask? Why should I ask about a bone?
- Laura Petrie: I DID call for a maid; I'm at the bottom of every agency's list in Westchester County!
- Rob Petrie: [Flinging his suit coat on the floor] You poor kid, you work so hard around here!