The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Ballad of the Betty Lou (1963)

Jerry Paris: Jerry Helper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jerry Helper : Listen, Laura, Rob's complete lack of maritime knowledge is a valuable stupidity.

• Jerry Helper : Only yesterday, a patient of mine was in the office who has a gaff-rigged yawl.

  Rob Petrie : Ooo, that sounds painful. Did you use novocaine?

• Jerry Helper : Rob, you know, for a guy who knows something about everything, you sure know nothing about boats.

  Rob Petrie : Well, when you're brought up in the mid-west, it's a long walk to the beach, Jerry.

  Laura Petrie : [popping her head out from the kitchen]  Hey, Rob? I prefer the beach.

  Rob Petrie : Get back in the galley.

• Jerry Helper : Hey, Rob, I know you're only kidding, but don't get in the habit of touching a superior officer.

• Jerry Helper : [about Rob's new sailing outfit]  You're not planning to wear that on board, are you?

  Rob Petrie : Alan Brady did!

  Jerry Helper : Alan Brady has a 50 ft ketch with a crew of three; you're dressed better than Lord Nelson at Trafalgar!

• Rob Petrie : Look, the only area of a conflict is when there's a difference of opinion, right? I don't know the first thing about boats, so that I don't have any opinion at all; Jerry knows everything about boats. See? He could be the commodore, and I'd be the first mate.

  Jerry Helper : Uh, no, no, Rob. I'll be the captain and you'll be the seaman.

  Rob Petrie : FIrst class?

  Jerry Helper : Third.

  Laura Petrie : Fellas, it took you a long time to build this friendship. Don't kill it.

• Rob Petrie : [as they shake hand and embrace in anticipation of their first sea venture together]  I wish our wives could see us now. Boy, this friendship ain't gonna break up.

  Jerry Helper : Never. But, remember, Rob, don't touch me on the boat.

• Millie Helper : [to Rob]  I'm sure Jerry didn't mean it when he said you couldn't be a stewardess on the Good Ship Lollipop...

  Jerry Helper : He'd make a GREAT stewardess!