The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Ballad of the Betty Lou (1963)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Laura Petrie : If you insist on having a hobby that does not include me, that canceled our patio furniture, that's ruining a trip to the national parks, if you don't mind going back on your promise to let Ritchie spit in the Grand Canyon, if you feel it's necessary to have a hobby that's going to make you and Jerry mortal enemies, then go right ahead, get your boat, and sail away.

  Rob Petrie : And, uh, what will YOU do?

  Laura Petrie : Oh, I'll be the same sweet, charming, adorable girl I've always been - but NOT to YOU.

• Rob Petrie : Honey, if you don't want me to go, just say so.

  Laura Petrie : I don't want you to go.

  Rob Petrie : Honey, let... let me put it another way.

• Jerry Helper : Only yesterday, a patient of mine was in the office who has a gaff-rigged yawl.

  Rob Petrie : Ooo, that sounds painful. Did you use novocaine?

• Jerry Helper : Rob, you know, for a guy who knows something about everything, you sure know nothing about boats.

  Rob Petrie : Well, when you're brought up in the mid-west, it's a long walk to the beach, Jerry.

  Laura Petrie : [popping her head out from the kitchen]  Hey, Rob? I prefer the beach.

  Rob Petrie : Get back in the galley.

• Rob Petrie : [not knowing Laura easily suffers seasickness]  It'll be fun.

  Laura Petrie : I don't think so.

  Rob Petrie : Why?

  Laura Petrie : Well, because ever since I was a kid, I've hardly ever had a good time while nauseous.

  Rob Petrie : You were sick?

  Laura Petrie : Yes, I was.

  Rob Petrie : When?

  Laura Petrie : From the moment you told me we were going on Alan's boat.

  Rob Petrie : Well, you sat there the whole afternoon and you smiled.

  Laura Petrie : Yeah, well, behind those happy teeth was a very sad stomach.

• Rob Petrie : Honey, could you just for a minute forget that you're my wife or that I'm your husband?

  Laura Petrie : [archly]  Oh?

• Jerry Helper : [about Rob's new sailing outfit]  You're not planning to wear that on board, are you?

  Rob Petrie : Alan Brady did!

  Jerry Helper : Alan Brady has a 50 ft ketch with a crew of three; you're dressed better than Lord Nelson at Trafalgar!

• Rob Petrie : Look, the only area of a conflict is when there's a difference of opinion, right? I don't know the first thing about boats, so that I don't have any opinion at all; Jerry knows everything about boats. See? He could be the commodore, and I'd be the first mate.

  Jerry Helper : Uh, no, no, Rob. I'll be the captain and you'll be the seaman.

  Rob Petrie : FIrst class?

  Jerry Helper : Third.

  Laura Petrie : Fellas, it took you a long time to build this friendship. Don't kill it.

• Rob Petrie : [as they shake hand and embrace in anticipation of their first sea venture together]  I wish our wives could see us now. Boy, this friendship ain't gonna break up.

  Jerry Helper : Never. But, remember, Rob, don't touch me on the boat.

• Millie Helper : It's a shame you didn't have fun!

  Rob Petrie : Fun? Fletcher Christian had mor fun with Capt. Bligh than I had with him!