The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Girls Will Be Boys (1965)
Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie
Photos
Quotes
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, uh, Mr. Darwell, out children have been fighting.
Ogden Darwell : Fi... But, uh, your child is a male. I mean, he's a boy, isn't he?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, ye... my male is... is a boy. I have... a Ritchie. I have a... boy.
Ogden Darwell : And they've been fighting?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Yes.
Ogden Darwell : That's very odd. I mean, Pricilla hasn't come home hurt or anything.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, that's... that's because she's winning.
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Laura Petrie : Rob, our son is a terrible liar.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : That's what I think.
Laura Petrie : No, I mean he's a terrible liar. He doesn't tell lies well. I know when he IS lying, Rob, and he wasn't about this girl.
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Laura Petrie : I mean, being beaten up by a girl makes him a sissy, and who ever heard of a boy saying he was a sissy on purpose?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : A lot of guys in the army tried it.
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Laura Petrie : Rob, Ritchie is scared to go to school tomorrow.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Oh, he didn't tell me that.
Laura Petrie : No, of course not. He tells you the brave things. When he's chicken, he talks to me.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Boy, people get mean when they're wet.
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Buddy Sorrell : Gee, when I was a little boy, there was one girl beatin' me up all the time.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Really?
Buddy Sorrell : My mother.
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[Rob and Laura decide to give Ritchie permission to hit the girl who's been beating him up at school]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Call him out and tell him.
Laura Petrie : Me? Why me?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, honey, it's a mother's place to tell a little boy to hit a girl.
Laura Petrie : What makes it a mother's place?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : The father who tells the mother that it's her place.
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Ritchie Petrie : I never kissed a girl before.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, you kissed Mommy.
Ritchie Petrie : That's not the same.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, yes it is.
Laura Petrie : No, it isn't.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Don't confuse him, honey.
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Rob Petrie : I haven't felt so guilty since I gave Buddy a joke to insult Mel with.
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Rob Petrie : One time at a high school dance, Margie Willis slapped me 'cause I said her slip was showing.
Laura Petrie : Is that all?
Rob Petrie : Well I said it on a loud speaker.