The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Coast to Coast Big Mouth (1965)

Richard Deacon: Mel Cooley

Quotes 

• Alan Brady : Here it is, Mel, a thousand dollars worth of hair. What am I supposed to do with it?

  Mel Cooley : Well, Alan, I was wondering if, uh...

  Alan Brady : You want one of them?

  [Mel nods] 

  Alan Brady : I'd rather make a coat for my wife.

  [knocks down one of his toupee stands off his desk] 

  Alan Brady : Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

  Mel Cooley : I can't tell you how sorry I am about this whole mess.

  Alan Brady : You can't tell me anything. Don't touch my hair, will ya?

  [the intercom on Alan's desk buzzes] 

  Alan Brady : Yes, what? Mrs. Petrie?

  Mel Cooley : Rob's wife?

  Alan Brady : No, his mother.

  [into the phone] 

  Alan Brady : I know it's his wife. Send her in.

  [hangs up the phone] 

  Alan Brady : That girl is crazy. She is crazy.

  Mel Cooley : Well, I've always felt there was a little problem...

  [there is a knock on the door] 

  Alan Brady : You never felt anything. Now go answer the door, will you?

• Mel Cooley : Alan, if you're gonna have lunch and get to that meeting, you'd better get going.