- Laura Petrie: [seeing the alligator purse Sally brought back for her from Jamaica] Oh, Rob, isn't it beautiful? Don't you love it?
- Rob Petrie: Well, anything that helps rid the world of alligators, I'm for.
- Laura Petrie: And I've got a pair of alligator shoes that'll go with it perfectly.
- Rob Petrie: You have? Where?
- Laura Petrie: Little shop on 34th street.
- Sally Rogers: Laura, you're the only one I can tell, but... but you gotta take an oath.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, I'm very good at oaths.
- Sally Rogers: Taking them or keeping them.
- Laura Petrie: Both. Both.
- Sally Rogers: You'll tell no one?
- Laura Petrie: I promise.
- Sally Rogers: [after a pause] And when you tell Rob, make HIM promise.
- Buddy Sorrell: [making a joke] I come in a couple times a week to empty the garbage.
- Anthony Stone: [taking him seriously] Somebody has to.
- Laura Petrie: Gee, that's a lovely suit.
- Sally Rogers: This suit?
- Laura Petrie: Is it silk?
- Sally Rogers: No, it's one of those blends. You know, cotton and anthrax or somethin'.
- Rob Petrie: Hey, let's get one thing straight. We have no right to pry into Sally's private business. It's just not right. Besides, Laura's pumpin' her right now.
- [Rob and Laura don't realize they're talking about two different matters]
- Rob Petrie: Wait'll I tell you what I found out.
- Laura Petrie: [musically] I found out, too.
- Rob Petrie: You did? How?
- Laura Petrie: Sally told me.
- Rob Petrie: Sally TOLD ya?
- Laura Petrie: Well, of course, darling. Don't you remember? That was the point for the whole luncheon.
- Rob Petrie: You mean Sally KNOWS?
- Laura Petrie: Well, naturally.
- Rob Petrie: [flabbergasted] Well, she doesn''t care?
- Laura Petrie: Oh, not too much.
- Rob Petrie: I can't believe that.
- Laura Petrie: Well, see, what she's really afraid of is that peple will kid her about it and make jokes.
- Rob Petrie: JOKES? Honey, I don't see that that's anything to joke about.
- Laura Petrie: Gee, Rob, you must be one of her square friends
- Rob Petrie: SQUARE? Is that what you call it? You call is square?
- Laura Petrie: You're really making an awful lot out of nothing.
- Rob Petrie: WHAT?
- Rob Petrie: It's funny, she won't even let him come up here to the office.
- Buddy Sorrell: Maybe she's ashamed of us.
- Rob Petrie: Oh come on.
- Buddy Sorrell: Maybe she's ashamed of me.
- Rob Petrie: Now, really.
- Buddy Sorrell: My wife is.
- Laura Petrie: Rob, somebody has to tell her.
- Rob Petrie: The dictionary says somebody is a person of unknown identity. You don't mean that. You mean me!
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, I bet those Caribbean nights are pretty romantic, huh?
- Sally Rogers: Well, so they tell me.
- Buddy Sorrell: Gee, I gotta take Pickles there some time. Maybe somebody will fall in love with her.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, the boys were right! He's connected with the underworld?
- Sally Rogers: Well, in a sense... he's a mortician.
- Laura Petrie: A MORTICIAN!
- [Sally shushes her]
- Laura Petrie: He BURIES people?
- Sally Rogers: Well, I hope he don't keep 'em around the house!
- Laura Petrie: You haven't told her?
- [That Tony is married]
- Rob Petrie: Well, we were gonna, but we didn't get around to it...
- Laura Petrie: But you'll call her tonight...
- Rob Petrie: Well, honey, she has a date tonight...
- Laura Petrie: Then you'll tell her in the morning...
- Rob Petrie: Well, I hoped Tony would be gentleman enough to tell her tonight...
- Laura Petrie: She'll just die!
- Rob Petrie: Tony can take care of that, too.